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Fuck. He wasn’t going to let this go without a fight. I hadn’t wanted it to come to this. I didn’t want to hurt him while ending this.
But a little bit of pain now would save him agony in the long run.
I kept repeating that to myself as I donned the bored mask of the assassin that everyone else saw. “I’m not going to stop doing my job just because of you.”
Lies. If it weren’t for all the other obstacles in our path, I’d change my whole fucking identity if it’d make him happy.
“I don’t care,” Matty insisted, stepping towards me. “We can get through anything, Seb. We can. Just let me in. Please.”
I hardened my heart, not letting my mask slip. Fuck, I really didn’t want to do this, but I had to. Had to tell this lie so he’d let me walk away. “I don’t want you, Matty.”
He reeled back like I’d hit him. “No…that’s not true. I don’t believe you. You can’t tell me that.”
It felt like I was watching myself from a distance. I wasn’t the vampire in front of Matty right now. I wasn’t the one who smirked at my sunshine like he didn’t give a fuck about him. “Listen, it’s been fun, but you’re just a human. You really think I’m going to tie myself to one of you for eternity?”
Matty wrapped his arms around his stomach. “You don’t mean that.”
The arrogant smirk deepened, armour that hid how deeply I was breaking. “I definitely do. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m done. Don’t make it into a big deal. We were just fucking around.”
The sharp slap of Matty’s hand against my face had me slamming back into my body.
He pulled back, staring at his hand in horror. “I’ve never hit someone before.”
The agony in my chest was almost too much to bear. I wanted to pull him into my arms and comfort him. Tell him that sometimes people deserved a smack.
I sure as fuck did.
This just reinforced my belief that Matty would be better off without me in his life. I was turning him into a person he didn’t recognise, a person he didn’t like.
I looked at him one last time, memorising him. The golden bounce of his curls. The freckles over the bridge of his nose. The amber eyes sparkling with tears.
Matty was a heaven I knew I’d never see again.
As selfish as it was, I was grateful for this time with him. Grateful for the sunshine that’d interrupted the storm of my life.
“Goodbye, Matty.”
I turned for the door, opening it, and his harsh voice stopped me.
“You’re a fucking coward.”
I was so surprised that he’d cursed that I spun to face him again.
His teeth were gritted, his ears pink. “That’s right. You’re a coward. You’re so scared of breaking your heart that you’re breaking mine instead.”
I’d rather he’d hit me again than told me that. “Matty, you don’t mean that.”
“You know what I’m sick of? I’m fucking sick of other people telling me how I feel. I’m done. I’m standing here in front of you now, telling you that I love you. You are the one I want. You are the one I choose. You always will be.” Tears were falling freely down his face now. “I’ll fight for you, but I can’t fight alone, Sebastian. Please…stay. Stay and fight with me.”
Was it possible I was literally being torn in two? Instinctively, I glanced down to check and, in doing so, my eyes caught on the family ring on my finger.
The ring I’d been planning on giving to Laurent.
The ring I carried as a reminder of the price I’d paid for my foolish heart. Of everything I’d lost. Of what love had cost me.
“There’s nothing here to fight for.”
My words seemed to make something in Matty crumble. Like I’d cut the rope he’d been clinging to, and now he was falling.
