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My arms were like bands of steel as I held him close. I didn’t relax until I felt his breathing slow. Until his pulse was no longer thundering.
Only then did I let my grip ease. It almost killed me. I wanted to hold Matty to me forever and promise him he’d always be safe. That I wouldn’t let anything upset him ever again.
But he wasn’t mine. He never would be.
I forced myself to let my hands fall to my sides. “Okay?”
Matty sniffed, not lifting his head. “Embarrassed.”
“Why?”
He didn’t answer, just buried his head deeper into my neck like he was trying to burrow inside me.
Sighing, I put my hand on his chin, nudging it up until I could see his face. “Why are you embarrassed?”
His eyes were rimmed with red and he couldn’t meet my gaze. If he hadn’t been sitting on my lap, I would’ve left the room and found someone to stab.
“I shouldn’t let something so silly upset me,” he said miserably. “I was wearing those shoes when…when something happened. Something bad.”
I didn’t know how I kept my face impassive. “Tell me.”
Matty gave a half shrug. “Not much to tell. I went home with someone I shouldn’t have. It’s my fault.”
My nostrils flared. “It is not your fault, Matty. Do not put this on you. Whatever happened, you did nothing to deserve it.”
Matty sighed. “Logically, I know you’re right. But…it’s hard to let it go sometimes. Thinking maybe I led him on or something.”
I gritted my teeth. “Matty, I’m going to say this only once. No one has permission to do anything without your consent. You could be halfway through sex and change your mind and that would be okay. More than okay. Any person you’re with who doesn’t understand that should have their skin removed.”
Quite literally.
Matty gave me a tired smile. “It’s okay, Seb. You don’t have to make me feel better.”
But I did. I fucking did. I needed him smiling. I needed him happy.
“Anyway, looks like he messed with the wrong person. He’s dead now. Found out this morning.”
Yes, he’d messed with the wrong person. My person.
No. Not yours.
I couldn’t read Matty’s tone. “How do you feel about that?”
Matty buried his head in my neck again. “Umm…will you judge me if I say I’m relieved? Maybe even…happy?”
I smirked, glad he couldn’t see how his answer delighted me. “I’d never judge you. Some people are bad, Matty, and they don’t deserve to live. It’s okay to not mourn them. If it helps, I’m glad he’s dead.”
Matty lifted his head again, peering at me in confusion. “Why?”
“Because he hurt you.”
Matty frowned, clearly missing the connection. Not wanting him to make it, I diverted him.
“Why do you keep the shoes?”
Matty slumped. “It’s silly really. They were my favourite pair. I saved up for ages to get them and I can’t bring myself to bin them. It’s not like I can afford to replace them.”
“So you hid them up there?”
