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I want to tell him no, but I nod instead. He doesn’t look like he believes me, but he ushers the kids toward the lobby nonetheless.
Looking back at Toby, I have the urge to both run after Bishop, or to throw myself in Toby’s arms and ask him to just hold me.
So, I just stand there, crossing my arms. “What do you want?”
“Please.” He gives me this pained look. “This cold-shoulder and distance is killing me, Lilly. I miss you so fucking much it hurts. I’m so sorry... for everything. I hate that I’m hurting you. I hate that I can’t give you what you deserve. But please, please, don’t shut me out of your life for good.”
“You're kidding me, right?” I blink at him in disbelief. “I stop talking to you for a few weeks and you think you're hurting?” I step closer to him, anger filling me. “Try two fucking years, Toby.”
“I know.” His voice cracks. “I know. And I’m so fucking sorry, Lilly. I know there aren’t enough times I can tell you that to make this all better, but I am. Those two years... I was fucking miserable, too.”
I don’t know what to say. I feel like it’s pointless.
“We keep going around in circles, it’s not going to get us anywhere. You know how I feel about you.” My cheeks heat. “You know what I want. You tell me you feel the same way, but won’t do anything about it. I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you.” His nostrils flair.
“Then fucking take me,” I shout, fling my arms in the air before letting them drop, smacking against my thighs.
He says nothing, his jaw tightening.
“That's what I thought,” I huff out with a sarcastic laugh and turn to leave.
“Tell me one thing?” he asks, making me pause.
“What?” I turn back around.
“Are you dating Ryan? Is there something real between you two?”
Licking my lips, I don’t say anything for a long moment, wondering if I should lie. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to play games. It’s not who I am. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no. Ryan and I are only friends. I like him; he’s a good guy, but it wouldn’t ever work.”
“Are you telling me the truth?”
My eyes narrow. “Yes. I don’t lie if asked a direct question, or skate around the truth like you do, Toby.”
Turning away from him, I try to walk away with dignity but I still have my skates on and end up walking a little funny.
My heart is racing so damn fast and I’m trying so hard not to cry. Why is it that with everything else in my life, I try not to let the negative things get to me? I go with the flow and brush it off because life is short and it’s not worth my energy, but when it comes to Toby, all of that goes out the window. I’ve never been someone who lets others get to me. He’s not just anyone, though; he’s under my skin, seeped into my bones.
“All the kids gone?” I ask Bishop when I find him standing alone in the lobby.
“Yup.” He looks in the direction from which I just came, then back to me. “Everything okay?”
“Everything's fine.” I go over and sit down on the bench to take off my skates and curse when I realize I left my boots back at the rink.
“Lilly.” Toby’s voice has me looking up. He has my boots in his hands. He brings them over to me and places them by my feet.
“Thanks,” I murmur, keeping my eyes on the ground as I start to put my boots on.
“Of course.” He lets out a sigh. “So, that was fun.”
“It was.” Bishop chuckles. “Who knew I liked little kids?”
“You like my little brothers,” Toby points out.
“True. But they’re like my brothers too.”
I blink. Should I be thinking of Bishop like a brother too? Nope, not going on that train of thought.
