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“Tired boy,” he says and I chuckle, kissing the side of his head.
“Sleep,” I say. And we drift off.
When I wake in the early morning with Sebastian in my arms, I start, realizing where we are. Fuck, he was supposed to go back to his own room last night. Then I realize that he’s slept in my bed countless times and our parents never thought anything of it and I relax a little. But when I remember that we’re both naked my heart rate picks up again. If either of them decides to barge in here, which I don’t know what sane parent would, but it happens all the time in books, we’re screwed.
I shove Sebastian, trying to wake him, but instead of accomplishing my mission I push him onto the floor, and a loud thud resounds throughout the room. Shit. Then he’s groaning and cursing and I wince. “Sorry,” I say. “We have to get dressed.”
He looks at me with disdain in his eyes, and I can’t say I blame him. That’s not exactly a nice wake up call. Hey, Sebastian, love of my life, meet the floor.
His eyes widen when he realizes the situation, and he scrambles for his clothes. We’ve both just finished dressing when we hear footsteps ascending the stairs. We hear a knock across the hall on Sebastian’s door and Gwen calling his name.
“In here,” I say, flinging my door open.
“Oh, you guys are up,” Gwen says. “Good. Martin is making waffles for breakfast if you want to come down.”
“Yeah, that sounds good, we’ll be down in a minute,” I say, still trying to calm my racing heart.
“Okay,” she says, her eyes flicking back and forth between us. “Don’t take too long.” Then she’s heading back down the stairs. I turn to Sebastian and he narrows his eyes at me.
“You are fired,” he says, pointing a finger in my direction. I can’t help laughing. I move closer and press a kiss to his forehead.
“I’m so sorry,” I say.
“You better be.”
“I am, but I think to be on the safe side, we should remember to sleep with our clothes on tonight.” He frowns but nods. It’s still better than sleeping in separate rooms. Thank god for being clingy codependent teenagers.
We make our way downstairs and enjoy Dad’s homemade waffles, complete with all the fixings. Then we take turns showering, much to our disappointment, before dressing for the day.
Gwen asks Sebastian if he wants to go shopping and get pedicures, which is definitely not my thing, so Dad and I stay home and I help him clean up the kitchen before we run a couple of errands. A short trip to the grocery store and another to the dry cleaners.
“Hey,” he says on the way home. His hands are at a perfect ten and two on the steering wheel which is unlike him. He’s usually much more relaxed. Something is bothering him. “Listen, kiddo, I know I haven’t always been the best parent, but you know I love you, right?” He glances over at me.
I’m kind of stunned. Okay, really stunned. Dad doesn’t talk about shit like this. Whatever this is, I have a feeling it's a preamble to something. “Yeah, Dad, of course.” He hasn’t always done the best job of showing me he loves me the way I would like him to, but I know he does, nonetheless.
He sighs, running his hand through his dark hair. “I’ve been distant a lot over a good part of you growing up, Rome, and I’m not proud of that. You deserved better from me and I wasn’t there when I should have been.”
“Dad, it’s okay,” I tell him.
“No, it isn’t,” he says, holding up a hand. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Listen, son, when your mom died it broke something in me. Something I never thought I would get back. And I didn’t, until Gwen came along all those years later. But you were the one that suffered because of it. You didn’t understand what was going on with me because I didn’t tell you. And to be honest, I worked longer hours to try and distract myself so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of your mother’s loss, when instead I should have been spending time with you, talking to you, asking how you were doing. Or seeing a therapist to figure out how to deal with my grief in a healthy way and not ignore my son. And I’m really really sorry I didn’t do that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Shit, I have tears stinging my eyes. It would be easy to say it wasn’t a big deal, that I’m fine, that it didn’t bother me, but I can’t do that, because it was a big deal, and it did bother me, a lot. Having him recognize that and say something is huge, and it means everything to me. “I missed you,” I say. “I missed you a lot, Dad. And you were alive.”
He pulls into the driveway and turns off the car. Then he turns to face me. “I know,” he says. “I’m so sorry. I want to do better, Rome, I want to be better. I guess that part of the reason Gwen and I planned this was to show you boys that. Please forgive me.”
I nod and he reaches across the seat and embraces me. And even though I’m twenty-one years old, I fall apart in my father’s arms. And it feels so good.
That night after dinner, Sebastian and I take a walk down the winding gravel path in front of our home. We don’t touch for fear that someone might see us driving by, although the chance is slim, and my body aches for his like nothing I’ve ever known.
“I want to tell people,” I blurt. He turns and blinks at me as we both stop moving.
“What?”
“I want to tell people about us. I can’t keep it a secret anymore, Sebastian. I need this. I’m tired of us pretending and sneaking around, and lying. We’re not doing anything wrong and we shouldn’t be behaving like we are.” I step closer to him and grip his face in my hands. He shudders.
“You don’t think it’s too soon? It’s only been a few months.” I shake my head.
“I love you,” I tell him. “I’ve always loved you and I always will. You are it for me, little brother.” I sigh and press my forehead to his before whispering, “I know it’s risky, but you are worth it. You are my lily, Sebastian. You are the thing I want to keep regardless of the risk, because you make me so damn happy.”
