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Shit. I’ve always admired his beauty but it’s never made me want things I have no business wanting. Like the feel of his lips on mine again, the taste of him exploding in my mouth, my hands on his hips as he straddles me. Just the thought makes my cock twitch.
“Hey, how was your day?” he says, smiling at me as he sets his bag down on the counter and makes his way towards me. He sits down on the sofa and snuggles against me.
Shit, what’s wrong with me? Normally I would be embracing him and planting a kiss on his head, maybe even letting him rest his head in my lap as I run my fingers through his hair. That’s his favorite, and we both find it relaxing after a long or stress-filled day. But instead, I’m tensing, my arms pinned at my sides. He realizes it and backs away, frowning.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he says. “You’ve been acting weird since last night.” His gaze is pinned on me, telling me not to give him any of my bullshit, but what choice do I have?
“I’m fine,” I tell him, but it doesn’t sound convincing, even to me.
“Okay,” he sighs, and I can tell he’s disappointed that I’m keeping something from him. He stands and I relax. I hate that my body is responding the way it is but my cock won’t stop reacting to his proximity. The closer he gets the happier Rome junior becomes and I can’t be sporting a boner with him cuddled up against me. “You want to eat dinner here tonight or go to the dining hall?”
“Actually, I’m not very hungry,” I lie. “Why don’t you go without me?” I can feel his eyes on me but I don’t look up to meet his gaze.
That is until he says, “I could stay and eat here. Keep you company.”
“No!” The words fly out of my mouth so fast he flinches. Shit, I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh. I think I’ve hurt his feelings. I think I might be the one person who can actually hurt Sebastian’s feelings because he just doesn’t give a fuck what other people think, but it’s different with us. It always has been. And that did kind of sound like I was eager to get away from him, which I am but not for the reason he probably thinks. “I mean, I’m sure Mel and the guys would like to see you. You should eat with them. I’ll be fine.”
He frowns. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
“Okay,” he says with a sigh. “I’ll let Mel know I’m on my way.”
When Sebastian returns a little over an hour later he knocks on my bedroom door and I tell him to come in.
“Hey, how was dinner?” I ask from my spot on the bed, my legs stretched out and my laptop open in front of me.
“It was fine,” he says, a melancholy in his voice that makes my chest ache. “We all missed you, though.” By all, he means him, Mel, Nate, and Tyler, our three closest friends.
God I hate that that stupid kiss ever happened, that it messed me up so bad and that things are fucking weird between us now. I don’t know how to get these thoughts out of my head and I don’t know how to be around him while they’re there. “You wanna watch a movie or something?”
Yes. I want nothing more than to cuddle with him on the couch and feel his soft hair tickling my chin, drinking in the smell of apples and cinnamon. “Um, no thanks. I’m gonna get some more homework done and then head to bed.”
He nods, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen the level of sadness in his eyes that’s there when he leaves and closes the door behind him.
Godfuckingdamnit.
Chapter Three
ROME
PRESENT DAY
I’ve spent the last two weeks watching an inordinate amount of gay porn, trying to decide if guys really do it for me and if I’m having some sort of bi-awakening, but I don’t even get a little bit turned on by it. I even tried downloading the Grindr app to see if any of the guys on there did it for me, and nothing. However, as soon as I think of Sebastian, as soon as I picture him in those lace panties or think of what it might be like to kiss him again, or imagine his warm naked body against mine, my cock is hard in an instant. What the hell does that mean?
Am I only gay for my stepbrother? Is that even a thing? Am I Sebastian-sexual? Fuck if I know, but I do know I’m getting increasingly frustrated by all of this and my hand is getting a cramp from all the jacking off I’m doing with Sebastian’s name on my lips, coming so hard my legs feel like jello afterwards.
I also know that in order to try and figure out what the hell is going on with me and not make the worst mistake of my life by grabbing Sebsasitan and kissing him again or blurting something out about how fucking sexy he looks, I have been avoiding him like the plague. We don’t see each other a ton as it is, but we usually have a few evenings together a week and some mornings before classes start where we usually eat breakfast together, along with some stolen moments here and there in the afternoon, but now those are used up by me pretending to be busy. Let’s just say I’m spending a lot more time doing homework at the library than I ever have before, and I know Sebastian has noticed.
“Where are you going?” he asks, startling me as I make my way out of the bedroom and towards the front door. His voice radiates hurt and anger and when I turn to face him his eyes are narrowed.
Shoot, I didn’t hear him come in and I was hoping to leave before he got home. He’s standing in the kitchen, his hair in a messy bun, his hand buried in a full size bag of chips as he munches on the ones already in his mouth. He’s dressed in silk pajama bottoms and a cropped T-shirt with a care bear on the front and the words “Zero Fucks Given” on it’s belly. If there was one shirt to sum up Sebastian that’s it. On his feet are his bunny slippers.
“Uh…library,” I say slowly, moving closer to the door. He slams the bag of chips onto the counter, his gaze fierce.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I say, feigning ignorance. He bolts across the room, cutting me off just as I reach the front door. He stands in front of it with his arms spread. I almost laugh at the ridiculous notion that he could keep me from leaving. I’m pretty sure I could pick him up with one hand and move him if I wanted to. Instead I say, “Sebastian, move.”
