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They were old and tattered, but I loved them just as much as I did the first day when I got them.
I tied the silk ribbons around my calves, finding it impossible to hide the small smile playing on my lips as I left my room and headed for the studio where Madame would undoubtedly be waiting for me already.
The sounds that greeted me felt and sounded familiar, and my body slowly relaxed as I slipped into the room. Something felt different, so much better than it had with Marchante, so much more familiar. It filled me with the need and desire to become great again, to be the best dancer I could be under Madame’s watch.
I half-expected to find Carina in the room as well, but when I walked into the room, there was only one person in there, and it wasn’t my former friend at all.
She was stretching. Slow motions, moves that I knew all too well from years of doing ballet, a tattered pair of ballet slippers on her feet not dissimilar to my own. Madame fell in tune with the music, her body moving to the notes of Swan Lake, the notes I had heard so many times but still felt as beautiful and powerful as they had on the first day.
I waited until she was finished, a small smile playing on my lips as I watched her. Once her stretching was completed, she turned towards me and gave me a mysterious grin that told me she had more in store for me – what, I didn’t know.
“I thought we’d train alone today,” she said. “My brother insisted Carina joined us, but I managed to convince him. I always had my way with him, you know.”
I didn’t say a word, just approached slowly and offered her a timid smile as she came forward, meeting me halfway and placing her hands on my shoulders.
“I know you can do this,” she told me. “I know you can find it in yourself to show me and the world something incredible.”
“I haven’t trained properly for so long,” I sighed. “It has been nothing like London… I’m worried I’ve lost it.”
“Lost what?” she asked gently, and I realized with a start this was the closest we’d ever come to a heart-to-heart. “Do you think you can’t dance anymore, Harlow?”
“I’m afraid I can’t… perform,” I admitted. “That I’ll stand on the stage and I’ll let the fear take over. That I won’t be able to dance like I used to.”
“Why do you think that?” she wanted to know.
I struggled with my answer, not knowing what to tell her. What was I supposed to say? The truth was, I was worried her brother had made me incapable of the feelings I used to harbor for dancing. I was so smitten, so in love with Thorn, it was almost impossible to believe I could still pour my heart and soul into dancing. I wanted desperately to dance again, yet I was constricted by the thought that I might not be able to do it.
I knew Thorn felt like there was the endless competition between him and my dancing. He thought dancing was the enemy, the one thing that could take me away from him because I yearned and ached and needed it to keep going. But he didn’t know I’d already made the ultimate sacrifice.
Even though he hadn’t cut my tendons yet, I had already accepted it as something that would surely happen, a sacrifice I was willing to make to stay with him. A path I was supposed to take to accept my life as Thorn’s Rose… and I was willing to do it. I was willing to give everything up for the love of my life. I wanted to be immersed fully in our world – the world of Rose and Thorn.
“I’m afraid I’m betraying him,” I finally managed to admit. “I’m afraid he sees it as a competition between himself and dancing.”
I didn’t need to name names, Madame knew who I was talking about instantly.
She raised her head high and gave me one of her signature mysterious smiles.
“Let’s prove him wrong, then,” she said simply, extending her hand towards me.
I hesitated for a mere second before offering a smile back and taking her hand.
“Are you ready?” she asked, and I nodded.
“More ready than I ever will be,” I said, and with that, my training began.
Hours later, I was more exhausted than I had been in years. The pain shot through my limbs without mercy, reminding me of just how long it had been since I’d danced like this.
And I knew the worst part was still coming – this was only the introduction. The next day, I would train with Carina, and my competitive side would come out to play, desperate to prove to everyone that I was better, stronger. That I was the better dancer.
