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Sitting on the sunlit terrace with Madame, I finally found the truth in her own words.
Our purpose was to love and be loved.
There were other things we were good at, things we loved… But just like Madame, I would give it all up for the man I loved so dearly. I would give it up again and again if it meant a lifetime of happiness with Thorn. I didn’t care about anyone else caught up in the equation that was me and him, together. All that mattered was that we ended up together.
“He’s been feeling guilty,” Madame told me. “Because he took you away. Because he took your life and made it his.”
“How do you know?” I asked softly.
“I know him,” she chuckled. “He’s my brother. Even though we hadn’t seen each other for years, I know him better than anyone else, bar you.”
“You think he loves me?” I asked her, and my heart pounded at the question, needing her to answer the way I wanted her to.
“Do you need to ask?” she said with her eyebrows raised. “My brother would do anything for you, Harlow. You’re not leaving his side now, whether you like it or not.”
I didn’t want to. I never wanted to be separated from Thorn again. By his side, I realized what it meant to love somebody as well as to let go completely. I wanted him to have all my control. I wanted him to decide everything, from the way we fucked to how I dressed, what I ate. I was desperate to give myself to him. Nothing mattered as much as he did. And in losing myself to a man I loved, I found the piece that had been missing all along. The piece that made me complete. With trust and love, I placed it at his feet, knowing he would treat it better than I ever could.
“Thank you,” I told Madame, and we exchanged warm smiles. “Thank you for helping me through this.”
“It will never be easy,” she said simply. “Thorn isn’t a simple man, and he doesn’t make loving him easy at all. But I see a lifetime of happiness in your future.”
My eyes filled with tears as I leaned in to embrace her. My heart and my head hurt knowing she wouldn’t be getting the same thing, even though she deserved it, more than we did.
“It’s okay,” she whispered in my ear, as if she’d read my mind. “Some of us aren’t meant to have what you have, Rose. Some of us are just observers of your beautiful love story.”
Nineteen
Thorn
It was the most important day, the one that would change things forever.
That evening, my Rose would dance for an audience for the very last time. Preparations had been put in place, and right after her final dance, her tendons would be cut just like we had discussed.
Truth be told, I was fucking nervous. I loved pain and I loved hurting her, but the mere thought of harming her so permanently filled me with dread. Of course, it wasn’t about her submitting to me by letting me break her body. Since the very beginning, I’d been playing mind games with her, and I wanted to break her at the very core – in her soul, where it mattered.
Now, with only hours separating us from her inevitable fate, I was questioning everything.
Was this the right thing to do?
Was she ready to give in so completely?
Would she let me have every vestige of her control?
There was no time for questions. I’d already sent Lili and Rose ahead to practice one last time before the performance. I’d hired a theater for the occasion, and only invited friends I respected, and mostly people who knew the lifestyle I was in. Lili would be sitting in the third row, but I’d blocked off the first two for myself. I wanted to be the one with the best view… The one who experienced her final dance so fucking fully I’d never be able to get the thought of her last twirls out of my mind.
At the same time, I desperately wanted to punish myself for being such a sick fucking bastard. I knew full well Rose didn’t deserve to have her ability to dance taken away from her, yet I couldn’t help myself – I needed to do it. I was a jealous man, and the thought of her loving anything more than she loved me enraged me. I would take it all away from her. I would hurt and peel back her layers until she was exposed to me in her most genuine form – trembling, delicate, fucking perfection. And then I would love her the way she was meant to be all along.
Broken.
A couple of hours later, my driver took me to the theater with only two hours remaining before the performance. I had dwelled on whether I should see my Rose before the dance, and finally decided that I needed to do it. A kiss for good luck, a slap on her face to remind her whom she belonged to.
