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Her words echoed in my mind and I bit my bottom lip nervously.
“Open your eyes.”
Her voice was gentle and sweet yet again, and I did as she told me. I looked deep into her eyes, seeing nothing but warmth and love in her gaze.
When I looked down at the vanity table next to us, I saw a blade there. A knife set in rose quartz with a silver blade that sparkled under the lights.
I glanced at Madame and she gave me a big smile. I didn’t say a word, and neither did she.
“I’ll let you put your slippers on yourself,” she said softly, leaving a fleeting kiss against my forehead and leaving me by myself in the changing rooms.
My heart was pounding and I felt dizzy. I kept glancing at the knife on the table, wondering if I’d understood this right. If this was really what she’d meant.
But of course, there was no doubt about it at all. She’d made it clear enough, and besides, deep down I’d known what she meant all along.
I put my slippers on slowly, taking special care to lace them up my legs. I weighed the knife in my hands. It was oddly light for something that carried such a heavy decision.
I strapped it in along with my slippers, hiding it so no one from the audience would be able to see. I helped it to stay in place with bobby pins and ribbons, and once I was done, I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself, trying to decide who I really was.
Harlow Granger was a young, ambitious girl with the whole world at her feet. She was dirt poor but she laughed loudly and danced fearlessly.
Thorn’s Rose was a quiet, beautiful woman with a heart that could take it all, and a love that transcended time and place. She was kind, and gracious, and beautiful. She was caring, and strong-willed and loved to submit. She was also *his*. She was defined by her love for him, not by her love for dancing.
The two women blended into one in the mirror as I stared at my own reflection. The girl looking back at me had wide blue eyes and hair spun of gold. She had a tiny waist and hips and breasts that had filled out in the past few months, giving her an hourglass figure. She was beautiful, and she was strong. She was capable of making her own decisions. And she knew what she had to do.
I smiled at my reflection and left a kiss on the mirror, my lipstick smudging as I moved back.
I left for the stage, and Madame squeezed my hand as I got into place behind the drawn curtains. I took the deepest breath I’d ever taken and waited for the curtains to part.
When they did, I felt everyone’s eyes on me but there was only one person in the theater that mattered. And he was sitting in the front row, staring at me more intently than anyone else.
Once again, I began to dance. This time it was different. Whereas before I’d danced with happiness and hope, now my dance was full of sorrow and broken, jagged pieces of what I could have been. I poured my feelings into my dance and knew I’d given the performance of a lifetime.
I felt the blade strapped to my leg throughout the whole performance, and its importance didn’t escape me. Madame had given me another choice besides the one Thorn had chosen for me. It meant an independence like I’d never experienced it before, and it also meant submitting to him more fully than ever.
I still had a choice to make, and my mind throbbed with the possibilities as I twirled on the stage. The final moment was coming up soon, and I could feel the weight of my decision lying on my shoulders heavily. Still, I danced perfectly, weightlessly. Just like the girls I’d seen dancing with my Mummy at the opera, two weeks before she died. I felt as light as a feather as I twirled on the stage.
My mind was racing through my options as I danced and tried as I might to block out the thoughts, they came back to haunt me. It seemed appropriate for some reason, knowing this was the biggest decision of my life. I needed to be completely sure this was what I wanted before I took the big leap.
I felt the music reverberating through my body, and I felt Thorn’s concern as I moved my eyes away from his. I needed it though. This final moment of dancing only for myself, where it was just me and the love I had for this art, this beautiful beautiful art.
I think he understood, and the pressure between us dissipated as he watched me dancing. I broke from routine and added some experimental moves, making the audience gasp when I jumped in the air and landed perfectly on tiptoes. I felt like an artist on that stage, and I felt like with every move, every twirl and every jump, I was creating a stunning masterpiece for Thorn, never to be forgotten.
