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Bar smashes his mouth against mine. I can taste his fear, the hurt, the violent swirl of it all, and I just let it wash over me, giving him back my calm assurance.
“Sit.” Gold growls. “Both of you.”
I break away from Bar and move to the stool. He keeps hold of me, hanging on like he’s worried I’ll vanish.
Gold pulls a container from the fridge and sets it and a fork in front of me.
I open the lid and stare at my spaghetti.
“I-”
He looks away, uncomfortable, and stomps to the sink and starts washing dishes. “I didn’t want it to go bad, so I put it in the fridge.” He glances back, and I see the comprehension in his eyes, the understanding. He’s not judging me.
My eyes burn as I stare down at it, and I’m afraid to look up. “Thank you.”
Gold puts a similar container in front of Bar. “You’re welcome,” he grunts.
And something in me settles back, pacified, returning to its slumberous state.
seventeen
Scarlet
I watch them at breakfast and then at lunch. I watch the way they behave, what they say, and what they don’t, and I think I finally understand what makes this pack different.
While Taylor is the official head of the pack, it’s a sliding scale of dominance, a give and take as each alpha uses his strengths to create harmony in their lives. Taylor is a deadly presence, laying the rules and holding each person to them. His temper is softened by his respect and love for each member. The gentle touches, the long gazes as he seeks to ensure they are okay mentally and physically. Taylor is apart from the pack. He’s here, but he isn’t. It’s strange, but I see longing on his face sometimes when he watches them when they don’t know he’s there.
Acton is solid strength, not just in the way he’s built, but his calm energy. He’s the one Bar often ends up curled up with when he’s sad. Or if the others feel unstable, they gravitate around him. He’s the caretaker, ensuring people have space and enough to eat and time to themselves. He’s gotten more talkative lately, and he smiles more. The pack is reacting in delight over it, and I wonder just how withdrawn he’s been.
Jet keeps the harmony, lifting moods, creating fun, teasing, and loving them all fiercely. He’s also a deep well of wisdom and pops out ideas and anecdotes. He’s their compass, he keeps them focused. But there’s a sadness in his eyes, a desperate fear that I glimpse from time to time. I recognise his mask. Behind it, he’s waiting for his world to come crashing down.
And if Jet is their compass, Gold is the fire. He’s the passion, the strength. He pushes and bullies them, challenges them. He’s a dark, threatening presence soaring above them, keeping their skies safe. He’s the first there with one hand ready to slay their enemies and with the other mopping up their tears. But so very damaged. I don’t know exactly what happened, but he’s a feral, broken version of the boy I knew.
But it’s Barren that is the most interesting. He brings out their tempers so quickly but dances along the knife's edge before flipping it and pulling out their caring, softer sides. When they look at him, you know they would take on the world to protect him. And he, surprisingly, is just as possessive and aggressive in defending them. His laughter infects them, his tears are like a sirens' call to them all, his temper rouses theirs. But with each alpha, he has a different type of relationship, nothing stronger than the others, but different, unique.
And the alphas, those men love each other, too. They all accept each other for who they are and love those differences. I don’t know if they know how unique they are.
Knowing what they are and how they all work as a pack doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel lost and so very lonely. In my old pack, I was the moneymaker, the problem solver, their mothers, their fathers, their nanny, their housekeeper, and their shame. There wasn’t a harmonious balance where each strength complimented the other. It was an order of strength, of dominance, based on their own decisions.
What am I? I consider it and wonder if I were to be in this pack, what would my role be, and then quickly kill that thought before it grows roots. I’m leaving in just over two weeks. They aren’t mine; I remind myself again.
Four days have passed since that deal was made. It feels like a lifetime ago.
Barren is running around on the grass playing football with Taylor, Gold, and Acton. I tap on my keyboard, but my mind is elsewhere, so with a sigh, I pack it up.
Jet leans back on the steps in front of me and lets his head lazily loll in my direction. He’s wearing pale blue jeans with rips across his thighs and a shirt that’s undone. I keep watching that bare skin, wanting to slide my fingers in under the material and discover how he feels.
He’s distracting, and I’m pretty sure he knows it.
“Done for the day, gorgeous?”
I huff at him. “Yes.”
“Good. I was thinking about a barbecue tonight.”
“Uhuh, barbecue, sounds awesome.” I try to act nonchalant.
Jet unfolds himself and closes the distance to stand before me. Now I’m at a perfect height to admire his abs and chest. I look and then force myself to look away. I fan myself, maybe not such a good idea.
