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“That sounds like a plan.”
“Then kiss me. And remember, I’ve dreamed of this for six months big boy, so you better make it good.”
Gunner laughed, delighted by Oakley. “Well, damn, no pressure girl. I mean—”
He never finished the sentence or the thought. She kissed him and then there wasn’t need to think of anything else. This is what he survived for, what he wished for and now what he needed. He just had to prove to her that she needed something as well.
Him.
That was an admission he’d been so afraid of, and the one that now seemed like more of a lifeline than an encumbrance.
This last tour had slapped Gunner in the face, giving him a hard look at who he was and the shape of life to come. He’d suffered through the barrage of memories, good and bad, analyzed his reactions to every event that battered him, and tried to understand how they’d shaped him, if at all.
He saw himself, his strengths and weaknesses, his morality and humanity and honor. Gunner knew his sins, and would pay his penance, but of late, had found himself wondering if prayers had any effect on a man’s life? Did the presence of prayer fuel a positive outcome for a person? Did a lack of prayer cast a dark pall upon a person’s life?
Gunner asked himself all those questions and a hundred more, slicing deeper with each question untilfinally his secret was revealed. The thing he hid away, hoping it would never again have power over him.
Something had loosened the locks and freed the one thing that scared Gunner Hale. Love. Love had power he didn’t have the muscle or brains to fight. Love could either give you a life of bliss or send you down the tunnel to hell.
Thus far, he’d not yet been freed from his sins of the past and had not yet made the full escape from hell. But he was trying and wished for redemption. Maybe he would have prayed, but he wasn’t sure how to do that since he had no confidence his prayers were heard.
Until he had a conversation with Oakley, the last one they had before he deployed. He asked her if she prayed, and her answer surprised him.
“Doesn’t everyone?” She turned her head from watching the sky to focusing fully on him. It was his last day before deployment and they chose to spend it outside, by a stream that ran through the Walker’s land. The wolf pups were exploring but staying close. It was already clear they saw Oakley as their alpha female.
He’d never imagined Oakley to be religious. First, because of her ethnicity. Surely, she would have held onto beliefs taught to her as a child. Or perhaps she was one of those Native children you read about, who were forced into Christian schools to pray the Indian out of them. Gunner had no clue if any of that was true, but it was an oft repeated tale.
“To God?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she smiled at him and looked toward the sky again. “How can you look around at the beauty of this world and not feel there’s something more. Something bigger and more powerful than we’ll ever be.
“It doesn’t matter to me who people pray to, or even if they do. A wish is nothing more than a prayer, right? And we all wish. So, maybe we all pray, too, giving life to those dreams and desires inside us and hoping the Universe attaches some of its energy to our wish, helping steer its path to manifestation.
”Calling it God is no different than calling it anything else. Mankind has invented a thousand Gods and will invent a thousand more. It’s how we build a sense of security for ourselves, something that protects us from what happens when we exhale our final breath. Something that keeps the demons of our sins at bay so that we can maintain and perform. Something to comfort us in our loneliness. There are a million reasons we wish or pray, and no method, language or process is superior to another.”
Gunner considered her words. She made sense, at least to him. And it eased a small scratch of worry he’d picked at since he started contemplating life and his presence in it.
He’d spent six months fighting to stay alive, achieve their objective and survive. It took that long to figure out. Gunner felt this decision was the most important of his life. Once he truly walked away from his life as a SEAL, everything would change. He’d change.
And he was willing to figure out how to live a civilian life and enjoy it. But he needed more than a job and roof over his head.
He needed redemption, a second chance, a chance to prove he was worthy of love. Equally as important, he needed to prove to Oakley that he would always defend and protect. He’d give his last breath to make sure her life and wolves would always be safe.
Right now, he felt like he’d reached a pivotal moment. All the soul searching, second-guessing and worry that he’d read things entirely wrong between them, got stirred all up with things from his past and he pretty much felt like an engine about to blow. There was an actual tingle in his nerves, and it was growing stronger.
It was time to take that leap of faith. Now or never.
*****
Oakley felt a vibration run through Gunner, an energy she could only relate to as that quickening you feel throughout your mind and body the moment before you’re thrust into battle and reality becomes hell with death waiting at every turn.
That energy didn’t just accompany your entry into battle but escorted you on your exit as well. Once on safe ground, your body has to release all that dark energy, all those battle chemicals surging through your adrenaline-fueled system.
Some people scream, pound something with their fists, kick or throw things, generally wreak havoc in order to deplete their energy. Others hold it until their minds register the ‘all’s clear’ and then the energy disperses like a carbonated beverage, bubbling and fizzing, tinglingly and electrifying every cell in you. Making you vibrate.
Gunner was the latter. Oakley pulled the wolves in close, creating a circle of four, each wolf touching each human, connecting them all. A curious energy seemed to spark to life and replicate as it traveled, uniting them.
“Can you feel it?” she asked in a low voice.
