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There’s the low hum of a few words being exchanged, then his door closes.
I approach the huge bookcase that spans most of one wall, my fingers trailing across the embossed spines of the law books. His diplomas hang on the wall next to the bookcase.
I take a seat in one of the two chairs opposite the desk, glancing at the framed photo next to his computer. It’s from two summers ago, when we rented a beach house on Nantucket. Me and my siblings are all piled on the porch swing, sandy and sun-burned. Sally is in my lap, the twins perched on the two arms pretending to be pirates.
It’s the only photo in here. I’m not sure if that’s always been the case or not.
“You were rude to Elena,” he says.
It’s about the worst possible thing he could say. My anger grows, burning hotter and brighter.
“Just being honest.” I cross my arms. “Maybe you should try it sometime.”
The stern expression he aimed at my siblings a lot more than he ever aimed at me appears. “I didn’t raise you to be rude, Cassia.”
“Are you going to stick around toraisethe rest of your kids after the divorce?”
My dad sighs. “Your mother spoke to you.” He shakes his head. “We were going to tell you kids together.”
“Don’t blame Mom for this.”
“For sharing something with you that we agreed to tell you together? Who should I blame for that, Cassia?”
“You weren’t home to tell anyone anything. You’reneverhome.”
My dad points to a high stack of papers piled on his desk. “See that? That’s what I have to get through before I leave for the day. Tomorrow there will be a new stack twice that size.”
“You have an important job, Dad. I get it. Don’t patronize me like I’m a little kid.”
“Then stop acting like one.”
“Being the president is also an important job. I bet she eats dinner with her family more than twice a month.”
A vein in my father’s temple pulses. “Do you know how much the twins’ soccer camp cost? Regan’s dance lessons? Maggie wants to study abroad in Italy next year. You’ll be in vet school.”
“I can take out loans or—”
“Cassia.” He stands and rounds the corner of his messy desk, taking the chair next to mine. “Honey, it’s important to me I’m able to provide for my family. I’m up for a huge promotion, and things should settle down a little bit soon. I love you kids more than anything else in the world. You’re my proudest accomplishment. Not all this.” He gestures around the big office. “Your mom and me…maybe I’ve used work as an excuse too many times. But when we spend time together, we fight or we sit in silence. That’s not how I want to spend the rest of my life, and I know your mom doesn’t either. People change. Relationships change. That’s just part of life.”
“That doesn’t mean you stop trying. It means you tryharder, Dad.”
“That’s always a nice idea. The reality is different. We’ve been together for a long time, your mom and me. We’re not happy together any longer. All we have in common now are you kids. And Iwillbe around to raise your siblings—and you, because you’ll be my baby girl even when you’re forty. I promise you that. This was a big decision, and it had been a long time coming. One I intended to be there to tell you.”
I nod, chewing furiously on my bottom lip.
“Does Elena have anything to do with this?”
My dad exhales, tugging at his tie to loosen the knot. “With the divorce? No. She’s a good friend and a trusted colleague. Is there a possibility we’ll have a different relationship in the future? I don’t know. Maybe. But my priority right now is you kids and work. That’s it. And I didn’t have an affair, if that’s what you’re really asking.”
“Mom isn’t a priority anymore?”
He sighs again, looking increasingly uncomfortable. “Of course she is. We’re getting divorced, though, Cassia. That means our feelings for each other have changed. Not our love for you kids.”
“How do you know they won’t change back?” I ask.
I hear the little kid my dad accused me of acting like in the tentative question. The innocent hope that things will always be okay.
“I think we’re way past that point, sweetheart.”
