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The bagel place is busy. It takes about fifteen minutes for us to order and pick up our food, then find an open booth to sit in.
I dig in right away. I ate breakfast early to make the train to come here, and I’m starving.
“Your friends seem nice,” I say. I’d never met anyone she goes to school with before.
“Well, they’rebigfans of you.”
I smirk, then turn serious. “Do your friends know? About…” I gesture toward her stomach.
Her expression shutters closed. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because when people find out you got knocked up in college, they think you’re slutty or stupid or both. I love Ruby and Bella, but they’re terrible secret-keepers. Once they know, everyone will. Plus, I’m single.”
My brow furrows. “What does your relationship status have to do with it?”
“Well, I’m not sure if you know this, but you have to have sex with a guy in order to end up pregnant. Since there’s no boyfriend in the picture…everyone’s going to wonder who the dad is. And I don’t feel like dealing with that.”
“Sarcasm not appreciated, Syd,” I tell her. “And not to burst your little denial bubble, but you can’t keep it a secret forever. Your friends will know you kept it a secret from them. And you could use the support. People to talk to. Cassia said she hasn’t talked to you all week. And Harrison…are you guys talking?”
She huffs, balling up her napkin and tossing it on the table. “Is that what this little visit is? Anintervention?”
“No. It’s just me, worried about you.”
She looks away, at the busy street outside. “I feel…ashamed. Like I fucked up and I should have known better.”
“Sydney…” I exhale. “That’s not how you should be thinking about this.”
“Why not? I had sex—bad sex—once, and now the rest of my life has been upended? What kind of messed-up punishment is that?”
Details about how my little sister got pregnant is not what I was angling for on this trip. I run a hand through my hair, trying to scrub any thought of her and Harrison from my brain.
“It’s not a punishment, Syd. It just…happened. Shit happens in life. And now you have to deal with it.”
“Shit happens?” She snorts. “Wow. Wise wisdom, big brother. Like I didn’t hear the stories about all the girls in high school. All the storiesCassiahad to hear too.”
I flinch.
“I’m glad you finally got your act together. But what if you’d gotten Grace Harper pregnant, huh? It could have happened, Holden. BecauseShit happens, right? You think you and Cassia would still be together if it had?”
I exhale. I know Sydney is upset and scared and angry.
But this resentment from her is new.
She’s made it clear when she was disappointed in me, and that’s usually involved Cassia in some way. Those lectures lacked the stinging bitterness poisoning her words now.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
Idoknow what Sydney is implying.
This should be happening to me, not her. I’m the sibling who’s slept around. Who’s made reckless decisions. Who hasn’t cared about consequences.
She’s wondering what the point of being cautious is if you’re just dealt a random hand.
And I have no good answers for her. All I can do is support her through it the best I can.
Plus drop the bomb I came here to deliver.
