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I glance over at Brooks. “You don’t want to talk about the weather or something instead?”
One corner of his mouth curves up. “We can, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine. You can ask.”
“Still complicated?”
“Still complicated.”
“You deserve better.”
I exhale. “What we want…what we get…what we deserve? Those can all be different things.”
Brooks raises one eyebrow. Maybe that made no sense. It’s hard to boil down years of history into two sentences.
I want Holden. Being with him has never felt like settling. But I’m also scared he’ll devastate me, if I let him.
“How long have you guys been together?” Brooks asks.
“We started dating our senior year of high school. But even before…” I shrug a shoulder. “It’s sort of always been him. For me.”
It hasn’t always been me for him.
At least in some ways.
“Yeah, I get that,” Brooks says.
I sip more coffee and immediately regret it. “Wanna talk about it?” I ask.
He shrugs. “There’s not much to say. She cheated on me with my best friend. One of those cliches you hear about and think will never happen to you. We met in high school. Waited to lose our virginity to each other. Except…she wanted to know what it was like with another guy. The way she tells it, the ‘other guy’ just happened to be my best friend.” Brooks scoffs. “I’m still a little bitter about it.”
“I would be too.”
“Did he cheat on you?”
I’m not a cheater, Cassia. I’m committed.
I hate him a little for throwing those words at me. For knowing exactly what would hit me the hardest. For bringing up that night.
“No,” I answer. Reluctantly, I add, “He wouldn’t.”
In many ways, it would be easier if he had. It would be a clear betrayal with an unforgiveable outcome. A clean break.
It’s much harder to explain what being overlooked feels like, even to myself. How it builds from a series of small moments.
Seeing him tagged in social media posts at parties I wasn’t invited to.
A text chain of him answering my messages but never being the one who reached out first.
Watching him across campus, knowing his friends’ conversations would end if I walked over.
Not sure how to tell him that and not able to bury it forever.
Brooks sighs. “She asked me to forgive her, and I tried. But in the end, I couldn’t. It hurt us more than it helped.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Thanks. I hate talking about it but it also helps to.”
