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There’s a measure of trust between us that hums like a living presence. I know he feels it too, tightening his grip right before we dive under the wave when it crests, and it alleviates a little of my worry.
The water is cool and refreshing, immediately washing away all the sweat and dirt from our hike. It swirls around in a rush, muffling the outside world. I relax, Holden’s hand keeping me anchored.
And then I’m above the surface again, feeling droplets drip from my soaked hair and roll down my face. A slight breeze raises goosebumps on my skin as the sunshine chases away some of the chill from the cooler water.
I look over at Holden, squinting at the sparkles reflecting off the surface of the water. He’s grinning, a light, carefree expression that eases the fist squeezing my heart.
My feet brush the sandy bottom before another passing wave lifts me up like a bobbing cork.
“Pretty nice, huh?”
I glance toward the horizon, water spread in what looks like an endless stretch. It’s a perfect summer day. There have been lots of sunny days this summer.
This one feels different, and I know the difference.
He’sthe difference.
And that terrifies me.
But I decide to lean into the fear instead of hiding from it.
“It’s a little scary. Sharks, stingrays, riptides… All sorts of awful stuff happens in the sea.”
Holden shakes his head, still smiling. “I’m right here. You don’t have to worry about any of that.”
“You’re awfully cocky.”
“Confident, you mean.”
“I wasn’t sure I could still rely on you.” I’m no longer talking about the ocean.
The amusement slowly melts off Holden’s face, as he registers the same.
“You can always rely on me.Always.”
We’re still holding hands. And in a move that surprises us both, I let go. Only to breach the foot between us and wrap my arms around his neck instead, so I’m clinging to him like a barnacle. He’s so close I can see every freckle. See the water clinging to his eyelashes.
“I want to.”
His hands find my waist beneath the waves, the water not muffling the feel of his touch sliding across my hips. My heart pounds so quickly I’m worried it’ll beat right out of my chest.
I melt into his embrace, our chests pressing together so tightly there’s no water between our bodies anymore.
“Do you still love me?” he whispers.
The question is saturated by the vulnerability he usually hides. I hear the loss in his voice, the boy who stopped celebrating Mother’s Day before he understood what the holiday meant and who buried his father before graduating high school.
An immediateyesforms on my lips. But the single syllable doesn’t sound like enough of an answer. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“What if you did?”
I exhale. “Then… I’d still love you, Holden Adams.”
He smiles, then grazes his thumb along my jawline. “Are we okay, Cas?”
“We’re better,” I tell him. “I needed…this. Reassurance.You.”
“You have me.”
