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“Well, I’d rather panic about a maybe than be terrified over a yes.” Sydney lies back against my comforter on top of my winter jacket.
“Okay.” I push some jeans aside and lie down beside her.
“You can’t tell Holden.”
I exhale. “Sydney…”
“I mean it. I don’t want him to know. Hopefully never, but definitely not yet.”
“Okay. I won’t say anything.” I pause. “Can I ask… Who got such a dismal review in bed? A hunky actor in the program with you?”
Sydney doesn’t crack a smile at my attempt at humor.
“You haven’t mentioned a guy this summer…”
There’s alongpause before she finally answers. “It was Harrison.”
“Harrison,” I repeat. “As in Harrison…Baker?”
“Yes.” Sydney won’t look at me. She’s intently focused on the ceiling.
It’s the third bomb she’s dropped on me in a span of five minutes. I’m not sure which is the most shocking of the three—that she lost her virginity, that she might be pregnant, or that she had sex with Harrison.
“Holy shit.”
“You can’t tell Holden,” she reiterates.
That’s much easier to agree to. I’m not sure exactly how he’d react, but I know it wouldn’t go over well.
“I thought Harrison was dating someone at school.”
“They broke up at the beginning of the summer.” She glances at me. “You know, right around when he came back here for the summer.”
I roll my eyes. “You think that had something to do with me?”
“He’s always had a thing for you. That’s how this whole thing started. He was in New York for a night so he could get a direct flight to LA, and he replied to the photo I posted of us from your visit that past weekend.”
I blow out a long breath. “How did that end with you sleeping with him?”
“We met up at a bar. Things…happened from there.”
“Wow.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when it happened.”
I glance over at Sydney. “Why didn’t you?”
She grabs the rabbit that’s sat on my bed since I was little and starts playing with its floppy ears.
“I was…embarrassed, I guess. It was bad.Sobad. Awkward and uncomfortable. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was trying to act like I knew exactly what I was doing, and I think that freaked him out. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come out.”
She presses Chester to her face dramatically, and despite the seriousness of the situation, I want to laugh.
“You’re definitely not the only person to have that experience, Syd. Lots of people have terrible first times.”
“Youdidn’t, right?” The question comes out muffled beneath the rabbit.
“Uh…”
