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Right now, I’m just uncomfortable.
I know Holden attracts female attention, obviously. And healwayshas. Back in elementary school, long before he’d kissed me or ignored me, he was the guy all the girls made paper Valentine’s Day hearts for. I used to tease him about it when we’d play basketball in his driveway, saying if everyone knew he lost to a girl, they wouldn’t still have crushes on him. Back before I identified the uncomfortable prick in my chest as jealousy.
Knowing is different from experiencing.
Before I can decide how to react—ifI should react—Christine slides into the seat beside me. She’s also pre-vet, so we’ve had nearly identical schedules since freshman year.
“Hey!” Her smile is bright and cheery as she settles into the chair.
“Hi!” I push away the awkwardness I’m experiencing and focus on Christine, watching as she unpacks her laptop and textbook from her backpack. “How was your summer?”
“It was great.” She sits up, tucking a piece of hair behind one ear. “How about yours?”
I tap my pen against my notebook. “Uh, yeah. It was okay. I worked at the shelter a lot.”
Christine is from Utah, so she’s never visited me in Pembrooke. But I’ve told her plenty about the animal shelter.
My last day there this summer was especially difficult since I had to say goodbye to Milo. I’m hoping he’ll still be there when Holden and I go back for the car wash. And also wish Milo finds a forever home sooner than then.
Christine and I continue catching up until the professor arrives. She just met with her academic advisor about vet school applications, which I’m supposed to do next week.
The course syllabi start circulating the room, and everyone settles down.
I stretch down and reach into the side pocket of my backpack for my water bottle, quickly glancing at the two girls sitting in the row behind me as I do. They’re both beautiful, with flawless makeup and styled hair.
I spent about five minutes on my appearance this morning. I left early to go to the library before my first lab. My hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail, I’m wearing no makeup, and my t-shirt is a boring white cotton one.
Quickly, I turn back toward the whiteboard, not wanting the girls to catch me staring.
I’m not worried about me and Holden. I no longer feel like I’m clutching onto our relationship with both hands, the way I felt last spring. Doesn’t mean I want the unwelcome reminder he has lots of options. That girls mob him after games and approach him at parties. I’ve seen some of the messages he gets sent on social media, despite the fact he’s posted photos of the two of us, and it’s pretty obvious he has a girlfriend.
It’s hard to justignoreall that.
But I force myself to, flipping through the syllabus when it reaches me and starting to take notes as soon as the professor begins speaking.
I’ve worked so hard, for so long.
This is the last semester vet schools will see on my application. My final chance to make sure I have as many options as possible. I’m on the fourth lap of four, approaching the finish line. This isn’t the time to slow down.
I direct all my attention to that goal.
Although part of me does wish I had turned around and told those two girls thatmy boyfrienddoes, in fact, have a huge dick.
Just to see the looks on their faces.
CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
HOLDEN
Cassia’s hand tightens around mine as we step into the crowded, hot house. Tomorrow is our first official practice of the season. It’s just a weight session, one more of a thousand I’ve participated in. How I spent most of my summer. But it’s also one of the firstlastsof my college basketball career.
We always have a party the night before. It’s a team tradition.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Cassia tells me.
I nod, letting go of her hand. “I’m going to try to find Finn.”
He always comes up to Richmond for this. I think he has more fun than the team does. He opted not to play in college, and I wonder if this is his way of admitting he misses it. It’s hard to experience the camaraderie of sport anywhere else. The shared mindset, winning or losing together, it creates a different, stronger bond.
