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“Why not?”
“I don’t know if I want a relationship, or whatever. I don’t think that she does. Her ex was an asshole and—”
“Are you hooking up with other girls?”
I finish my beer, then tell him the truth. “No.”
Conor nods, like that was the answer he was expecting for some reason. “Then you’re basically already in a relationship, Phillips. Is she hooking up with other guys?”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
I would be surprised if she is. ButI don’t know. Brennan is still hanging around, so she hasn’t shut him down.
“Tell her how you feel, Phillips,” he advises. “Ask her to officially be your girlfriend. If you’ve stopped sticking your dick into every hot girl at this school and ifthat”—he nods in Rylan’s direction again—“bothers you, then tell her how you feel. Or else forget about her and don’t hold this against Brennan. She’s not your girl; he can flirt with her all he wants.”
I suck in a deep breath, studying Rylan. She’s laughing and nodding along to something Brennan is saying, looking like she’s having the time of her life.
I’m not sure how she feels about me. I know she loves thesex, because the rest of her body can’t lie to me the way her lips can. And I think she enjoys our banter, even if she’s never admitted it.
Butme, excluding my mouth and dick? I have no clue. It might make me a coward, factoring her feelings into my own. But it’s also human, I think, to not want to get shot down. I’veneverasked a girl to be my girlfriend.
And I’m not even sure if I’m capable of a relationship, not just if I want one. With Parker, it wasn’t a heavy conversation. It was hooking up, then going to dances together, then her calling me her boyfriend. I could have fought it, but I didn’t, and then it blew up in my face.
Looking back, I’m not even sure if I loved her. Maybe I loved some version of her, or maybe we were just familiar and easy. Maybe what I thought was heartbreak was actually a bruised ego.
“I’m headed out,” I tell Conor.
He appears disappointed, which surprises me. I assumed he’d be warning me away from Rylan, telling me to focus on hockey and my grades.
But he says nothing else, just nods and holds out a fist for me to tap.
I leave the kitchen and head down the hallway. Out the front door. It’s not that cold tonight, hovering right around freezing.
I don’t make it down the front steps. Our final practice before the championship game isn’t until tomorrow afternoon. My final hockey practice—ever. Heading home and helping myself to some of the vodka in the freezer before crashing sounds very tempting.
But…she walked here.
And there’s no way I’ll be able to sleep—no matter how much I have to drink—not knowing if she made it home safely.
I lean against one of the porch balusters, debating what to do. Text her? Stand out here like a stalker?
Before I can decide anything, the front door opens, and Rylan steps out. She stills as soon as she sees me standing here, glancing behind her once before stepping outside and shutting the door behind her.
“I thought you left.” She said the same thing to me after our first tutoring session. She looks as uncertain now as she did then, watching me with a wariness I’m not sure what to make of.
I shrug a shoulder. “You walked.”
Emotions flash across her face too fast for me to register any one of them. Then she walks forward until our bodies press together, her floral smell surrounding me as she clutches the front of my sweatshirt and rises up to kiss me.
We make out for a few minutes, until we’re both breathing heavily. And it feels soright. So reassuring, after watching her from across the kitchen. She’s here, in my arms.
“I’m not into him,” she whispers when our lips separate. “I had no clue who he was until he came up to me tonight and mentioned my dad.”
“Okay,” I reply, relief rushing through me.
That only solves one of my problems, though. Tonight, I realized I’m unsatisfied with our arrangement. That sex with Rylan isn’t enough.
Conor made it sound simple—just tell her how you feel, ask her to be your girlfriend—but it’s not simple. And I witnessed how badly he fucked up things with Harlow. He’s not exactly a romantic expert to take advice from.
