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“You don’t have to. Really, Mikhail, I’mfine.”
His growl tells me he definitely doesn’t agree.
“Except. Well. Maybe…”
“What is it?” He lays me in bed and brushes a hand to my face, holding my eyes with his. “Tell me.”
I can’t be pregnant. God, no. But we haven’t used birth control, and I’m in good health…
“We maybe need to get some pregnancy tests.”
He comes to a sudden halt. “Pregnancy tests. Do you think you might be pregnant?”
“I just lost my cookies for no good reason, I fell asleep at like seven o’clock last night, my period is late, and I’ve been having very frequent unprotected sex with a man who’s hung like a king of the forest. I’m not sure if it’s science, but I’d hazard a guess that does something to your virility.” I’m trying to tease him, but he doesn’t smile. He stares.
I actually managed to convince myself that Mikhail Romanov doesn’tdosurprise or really any emotion that might stem from any apparent weakness.
Apparently, I was wrong.
“Here, Aria.” He adjusts me on the bed as if I’m going to break. “Stay still. Do not move.”
Pregnancy. Babies. No protection. I knew this was a possibility, but I somehow managed to convince myself that would be way,wayin the future. Why would someone like me be so fertile when there are thousands and thousands of women that try everything for years so they can conceive?
What if I don’t want a baby?
What if I…what if I’m not ready?
I’m not ready.
I curl up on the bed and he reaches for a handknit afghan his mother brought us last week. She said it was a late wedding gift because it took her longer than she thought. “He needs something very big to cover him fully,” she said with a laugh.
He pulls it up over my shoulders and heads toward the bathroom. I stare at the intricate pattern of ivory and caramel-colored yarn.
He bought pregnancy tests. Is that cute or controlling?
Can it be both?
I don’t. Want. To be. Pregnant.
I remember what he said to me weeks ago when we got married.
Marrying me was your first payment to me. The second will be bearing my child.
Payment to me.
The second will be bearing my child.
My child.
I’ve finally gotten accustomed to some of his ways. At least I think I have. I’ve finally made peace with the price I’ve paid for his protection. For taking care of me. And he does take excellent care of me.
But I don’t want children. I never have.
I go through my reasons for not wanting children.
First, I don’t have extended family.
Mikhail does, though.
