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"Polina. Don't try to bite my head off from behind the door. Jesus, Mikhail."
"What do you want?" he says in a voice that I know is trying to be a little gentler, but still sounds as if he's biting her head off.
"Mom wants you guys to come out here and come down to dinner. She says it's bad luck to spend so much time in a bedroom."
Mikhail smirks at me, as if underscoring the point that he's not the only one holding Russian superstitions in high regard.
“We’ll be there! Don't listen to your brother."
He flashes his eyes at me. "Behave yourself."
“Yay!" Polina says on the other side of the door. "We have so much to talk about. God, let her out of there already." She pads away and we're left alone in the room.
“Aria,” he says warningly.
“What?” I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. “I need a shower.”
"We have rules here.”
"Oh, do we?" I turn on the shower. "Want to enlighten me?"
He follows me into the bathroom. "You know exactly what those rules are. You disrespect me in front of my family, I'll have to discipline you."
I turn around and look at him. "Ooh, big scary Russian guy’s gonna punish me." I roll my eyes. "Do you really think I'm afraid of that by now?"
Oh, my God, what am I,ten?
He pulls up his phone to make a phone call. "You stay right there.”
"Yes?" It's the doctor from the ER. I can see the contact on his phone, and he’s got it on speaker.
"Is it or is it not dangerous for a husband to spank a disobedient wife?" My jaw drops. Oh my God. He did not just say that out loud. I am so embarrassed my cheeks flame.
"Mikhail,” I say. My voice is shaky, with a little tremor. “Don’t!”
"It's very dangerous," the doctor says, and for a second Mikhail’s face falls. "If he wants his dick intact. Do you want her to kill you in your sleep? You might be bigger than her, but she could still smother you." I laugh out loud. God, I love this woman.
"I mean for her."
She laughs. "I know exactly what you mean, and the answer is no, with caution of course you can engage in all sorts of deviant sexual behavior."
Deviant sexual behavior. Oh my God. I'm so changing my name and moving out of state.
"Yes, Mr. Romanov. Kinky sex is fine. Once in a while, other things are fine as well. I'll send you an article that I wrote on this subject."
An article she wrote. Kill me now.
“Thank you."
"Anytime." He disconnects the call.
"You couldn't say something like…I don't know…can we have a little rough sex? You had to pull up that whole disobedient wife thing? Oh, my God." He's swiping through something on his phone, rapidly reading. One of the sexy things about him is that he's a speed reader, no matter the language.
"I don't think I'd be pushing that button right now, if I were you," he says. Dear God. Why did I have to do this? I jump into the shower, as if somehow a barrier of water is going to save me from his punishing palm.
And just as I suspected, just when I get to the conditioning part of my hair treatment, he's right in the shower with me.
“Mikhail!" I protest when he takes the bottle of conditioner out of my hand and throws it right out of the tub.
