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Tesq would blow a nut if he could see them.
But then Uni’s words register—slowly clicking into place—and I don’t know whether to smile, laugh, or cry.
“This is Brittany.” Uni points to the blonde doll. “And this is Sherry. Girls, say hello to the Creeper.”
Silence.
But Uni begins to laugh as if the dolls just told the most hilarious joke. “Sherry, I’m not going to ask if he’s single.” He playfully swats at her arms. “That’s inappropriate.” He pauses again, his head tilted as if he’s listening to something I can’t hear, and then he says, “No, Brittany. You’re not on birth control. We talked about this.”
I stare at Uni in horror before forcing my expression to lighten. Turning back to the dolls, I say, “Hello, ladies. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Then I wink for good measure.
Yeah. I wink at two fucking dolls.
What is my life turning into?
Uni wiggles his fingers together like a diabolical mastermind. “Ohhh. I’m sensing fireworks.” He claps a hand down on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “I just ask that you wear a condom. I don’t want any babies running around.”
Then he begins to laugh raucously while I just stand there awkwardly, hating my life.
Shaking his hand off of me, I turn towards Uni completely. “Uni, I actually came because I need your help.”
He doesn’t have any brows, but the gray skin between his eyes begins to furrow. “Do you not know how to put a condom on?”
I take a deep breath as I pray for patience.
Thisis why we chose not to keep Uni around.
My cousin is a little…odd, even by monsters’ standards. But he’s so damn powerful that he can obliterate entire streets in mere seconds if he felt the need. His temper tantrums were infamous in the Ebony Kingdom before the other Terrors and I decided to…send him on a prolonged vacation, so to speak.
Even now, standing in front of him, I’m keenly aware that he may be able to kill me in the time it takes me to blink. He wouldn’t even have to try. We’re in his domain, after all, and he’s the only monster I know with complete control over the water and all the creatures in it. His power level even rivals that of me and the other Terrors.
Which is exactly why we need him.
“Would you be willing to head back with me? I can explain it better there.” I reach my hand out in silent invitation.
Uni seems a little confused, but that smile of his never fades from his face. After a long moment, he nods and then gestures towards the dolls behind him. “Can I bring the girls?”
“Err…of course.”
Uni nods seriously and picks up both of them. When he pushes one at my chest, I hesitantly take it.
“Now, don’t be handsy with Brittany there,” Uni warns seriously, a hint of that familiar violence seeping into his eyes as he threatens me. “She talks a big game, but she’s still a virgin.”
Oh my god.
“Um…” I gape at the doll in horror.
“Sherry’s the whore of the family,” he continues as he strokes the other doll’s shiny black hair. He leans forward to whisper conspiratorially, “Don’t worry. I always keep the morning-after pill on hand.”
For fuck’s sake.
Grumbling under my breath, I wait until Uni places his hand in mine before backing into one of the shadows plaguing each corner of the tiny cave.
I just pray that when I portal back to my mate and the others, I don’t end up with any plastic body parts.
Fucking Uni.
