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If there was ever a person who was miserably unfit to be a mother, it was her. And it sounded like she was miserably unfit to be Ezra’s wife. How was she going to get help if she didn’t admit her past?
“I’d really like to learn to be a better mother.” She looked at Nelda, meeting her eyes, feeling more humble than she’d ever felt in her entire life. It wasn’t easy to ask for help sometimes. Especially with something so basic as motherhood. She took a breath and added, “And I’d really like to be a better wife. I... I don’t really know how to do that.”
Nelda’s brows had gone up at the first comment. With the second, they seemed to disappear in her hairline.
It took so long for her to say anything, Alaska started to squirm and tried to figure out how she could change the subject or back out of it. It was such a weird request. People didn’t talk like that. At least not where she came from.
“I’m so impressed. I very seldom get to hear people say they want help. Usually people feel like they know everything there is to know and want to jump right into teaching other people. Or bragging, or something. I think I can see some of what Ezra sees in you.”
Alaska took that as a compliment. She knew that the way she looked on the outside probably didn’t scream responsible adult. Especially not to someone of Nelda’s age. A lot of people might say that was judgmental, but Alaska had been around enough to know that sometimes a person really could judge someone else by the way they looked. A lot of times, she deserved the judgment. The idea of being something different, better, made her want to get started right away.
“You know, I can definitely help you with the motherhood thing. It might be a good idea for you to talk to Ezra about the wife thing.”
To her surprise, Alaska could feel her cheeks heating at the delicate way Nelda had said that.
“I have two children. There are certain things about being a wife that I feel like I have under control.” She didn’t know if she needed to be more graphic, but something kept her from it. Maybe it was Nelda’s age, or perhaps that she seemed like a gentlewoman. “The other things. I mean, I assume he needs me to do the cooking and cleaning and all that stuff, and I was hardly raised to do that. In fact, the little bit of parenting I had, and a lot of the teaching that I had in school, told me that that stuff was dumb, and that I needed to have a career in order to be satisfied with my life. But it seems like someone has to cook and clean and keep the house. And I’m guessing it’s not going to be Ezra.”
Nelda laughed. “I agree with you, my dear. Someone needs to do it, and the Bible gives the job of keeping the house to the woman. So, to me it’s less about what Ezra wants and more about what God commands.”
Alaska didn’t say anything, and a sound caught her ear, making her turn her head.
“It sounds like we’re going to have company.”
“Oh my goodness. I forgot all about the chicken!”
She jumped up, taking three steps to the house before she remembered that Nelda held Alice.
She hurried back, poor Eugene confused as she went first one way and then another. “I’m sorry to grab her and run, but I bet my chicken is ruined.”
She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. It was the first time she was cooking for everyone, and she had wanted it to turn out perfectly. It would hardly be perfect if it was burnt black.
“All right, hon. If you have to run, I can’t help you today, because I have an appointment with the ladies in town. But maybe you and I can get together sometime?”
Nelda sounded so relaxed, when Alaska felt like her entire world had just imploded. But she tried to calm down and give her a rational answer.
“Yes. Please. You know where I live, and maybe we’ll see each other around.” She didn’t want to take the time to give her her phone number, because it was too much. She needed to get out of there.
“All right. Sorry about your chicken.”
She nodded, knowing that there was nothing she could do, and took Alice in her arms, grabbing a hold of Eugene’s hand and hurrying as fast as she could back to the larger farmhouse.
As soon as she opened the door, smoke boiled out of the kitchen, and there was no doubt that the chicken was not only burnt to a crisp, but from the glow from the oven, it was actually on fire.
Talk about a disaster. She looked at the clock as she ran to the oven. Exactly twelve noon. People would be pouring into the house at any point, and they would expect to find food. Edible food.
She absolutely hated that she was going to be a miserable failure the first time she met everyone on the ranch.
“Alaska?”
She turned. Nelda stood just inside the door, her hands on her hips.
“Yes?” She made sure she kept all impatience out of her voice. She didn’t want Nelda to feel like she was brushing her off, even though she felt panic welling inside of her.
“I saw the smoke coming out the door. Give me the kids. I’ll stay home from my meeting. I would say whatever you’re planning to eat is ruined, but I have bacon. We can have bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches, and I know that everyone will be happy with those.”
Alaksa considered herself a strong woman. She’d been through an awful lot in her young life, and while she’d been knocked down a lot, she always got back up.
With her newfound faith in Christ, she expected to be able to be even stronger.
