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Jim had never been violent, and he had never been a man who was prone to fits of temper, and she had never been scared.
But lately, he’d been very insistent on his way.
“You do know me. We’ve known each other for years. I think sometimes we just forget as we grow older.”
“Oh. Do you think I would forget someone as pretty as you?”
“Well, I hope not. But if you have, I guess we could have some fun getting reacquainted.” She said her words lightly and gave him a little, teasing smile, the flirty kind of smile she’d given him all throughout their marriage. Except, she’d never had to reintroduce herself to him.
Sometimes when she got her hair styled in a different type of way, he would tease her about going to bed with a new woman, and she would tease him back. It was kind of fun to play little pretend games like that. It kept their marriage fresh and exciting, and she enjoyed it.
Except now, with him not knowing her, it was all too serious and it scared her. Her life was changing. The rock she’d always depended on was suddenly not as solid as she thought it was, and she had to turn more and more to the Lord for strength and support.
Maybe she’d depended more on Jim than she had on the Lord throughout her life. That was one of the things that she learned inthe time she’d been dealing with her husband and his Alzheimer’s. She always said that God was the most important thing in her life, but she found out that maybe that wasn’t quite as true as she wanted it to be.
“Maybe we can do that after my nap. I’m getting tired. I do take a nap after lunch, don’t I?” Jim’s brows furrowed, and he looked at her as though she were his caretaker or his mother, instead of his wife.
“Sometimes,” she said, being honest. He didn’t typically take a nap, but as they got older, naps had been something that had become a little bit more common.
He pushed back away from the table and looked at her. “Do we know each other well enough to take a nap together?” His brows were puzzled, as though he were trying to figure out what their relationship actually was.
“I think we do. We’ve been married for more than fifty years. I’m pretty sure it’s okay for us to sleep together.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll take the pretty girl with me.” He held out his hand, and she slid hers into his, the feeling so familiar, so nostalgic, bringing back all of the memories of their years together, that she had to fight back tears.
It wasn’t hard to leave the table, leave the leftovers, leave the mess for later. It was easy for her to think that there wouldn’t be very many times like this left. She had to enjoy them while she could.
As she walked away, down the hall toward their bedroom, she remembered that Rhoda had left a message about an Alzheimer’s group that was meeting in the Olympic training center and asked if Agathe would like to join.
When she got up, she’d have to remember to call and see what she needed to do. This was one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing she’d ever done. She definitely could use some support for it.
Another thing she wanted to do was to make sure that she continued to develop a relationship with the Lord and make sure that He was her anchor. It was obvious that she was losing Jim, and she needed to have God to hold onto, to keep her from feeling unmoored, like her life was in flux. It was a disconcerting feeling that made her want to hang on to whatever was closest.
She had a feeling that things were going to get a lot harder before they got better.
Chapter 13
“We need to get the fence fixed in the upper pasture. We have those mamas that just lost their babies there, and we need to make sure the fence is good enough to keep them in.” Ezra lifted his hat and ran a hand through his hair. There were so many things to do and not enough time to do them. That’s the way he always felt.
“I guess you won’t be helping with that. You have to go to Rockerton.” Caleb lifted a brow at him, but there were questions in his eyes. Asher had been the only brother that had truly questioned him, and that was only because he wanted to make sure his siblings were safe.
Still, if it were him, he certainly would want to say something to any of his brothers since he didn’t think it was a good idea to get married after meeting a woman less than a week prior.
“Yeah. I wish I could help you, but I can’t today. There will be work to do tomorrow; there always is.”
Caleb snorted, and then he nodded, clasping his brother on the shoulder. “You know, I’ve never known you to do anything crazy. You always make the best decisions. I think this is the first time in my life I’m questioning what in the world you’re thinking. Except, maybe when Sondra went around announcing that you guys were engaged. But even then, I just assumed she put words in your mouth.”
“That’s basically what happened.” Ezra didn’t really want to talk about it. Although, he supposed he should. It was only fair to his siblings. He certainly would want to talk to him about it.
But, unless he wanted to get married in the clothes he’d worked in all morning, he needed to get to the house to change. He’d told her they’d leave at one o’clock, and he and Caleb had stayed out, fixing the float on the water trough rather than going in for lunch. Now, he needed to get himself in there and get cleaned up, or she was going to think that he didn’t want to marry her.
It was crazy, but thinking about Alaska made something warm tug at his heart.
“I’ll get this stuff gathered up. You go on ahead,” Caleb said, after a short silence, where he must have figured out that Ezra wasn’t going to say anything more about Sondra and their engagement.
He really couldn’t without speaking poorly of Sondra, which he didn’t want to do.
He jerked his head, and then walked to his four wheeler, starting it and taking a second to allow his gaze to roam over the fields, green and lush in the spring, dotted by black cattle, and a few brown ones, a new breed that they’d introduced to try to improve the quality of their meat. He hadn’t been afraid to take risks, to take chances, and to try to always improve.
