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“God is good. Could He let all those bad things in my life? Do you really want me to believe that God was behind that terrible stuff?”
“No. But maybe He allowed it so that it would work for His purpose. You have to admit, we wouldn’t be sitting here today if you hadn’t been through what you were, right?”
“I suppose. But, you know it would be so much nicer if you could see the end as you are going through all the hard things. I spent a lot of days depressed and despondent and only chose to live because of my kids.”
That made him sad, and a little scared. “You know, God has a purpose for you.”
“What? To makeyoua better person? Because you have to put up with me all the time, for a lifetime now?”
“No. Hardly. Maybe you’ll make me a better person, but not because I have to put up with you. Because you inspire me. Likeyou did today. And, you make me laugh. Like you do all the time. I’m sure we’ll find other things as well.” He thought about the idea of having someone beside him now. Someone who looked at him and saw good. A good man. Who admired him. Would she grow to see his flaws? Would they become bigger in her eyes? Would the glow of admiration dim?
He hoped not. He supposed it wasn’t really his job to keep it there, although he wanted to be the kind of man she could admire and respect. Who she enjoyed being with.
They rode on in silence, maybe both of them lost in their thoughts, until he pulled up beside the house. It was starting to get dark, although the big house was brightly lit and there was a light on in the small house in the kitchen.
“Can we just walk around?” he asked, not wanting to deal with his siblings after everything that they had gone through that day.
“Sure. Are you ashamed of me?” she asked, and while the question was said lightly, he suppose there was more truth in it than she wanted to admit.
“No. I’m not. Actually, let’s walk through. I bet they’re eating.”
Sure enough, when they walked in, he could hear his siblings in the kitchen, silverware clanking, as they talked and laughed together.
Alaska seemed to hold back as they stepped in, and he tugged on her hand. “Are you okay?”
“This is so foreign.” She took a steadying breath.
“It’s your new normal,” he said, meeting her eyes, and wishing that he could impose upon her the confidence that her life was what she made of it. And this could be hers, if she made it that way.
But he understood even though he’d grown up in a home exactly like this, he didn’t always know how to go about getting it.
Chapter 18
“Hey, there’s the happy couple,” Caleb said as they walked in. Caleb was always the first one to have something to say.
“Congratulations you two,” Phoebe said smiling. She pushed back away from the table and got up and came over and gave Alaska a hug.
Ezra made a mental note to thank her later. Priscilla and Ada pushed in, until all three of them were hugging Alaska. He thought Alaska probably was a little overwhelmed, but he didn’t ask his sisters to stand back. He wanted her to know that they welcomed her.
“Welcome to the family,” Tobias said, with his hand out once the girls moved away.
Alaska looked at it, and then took it carefully.
“I think she thinks you’re going to hurt her, bro. Stop looking so... Scary,” Caleb joked as he held his own hand out for Alaska. “Welcome, kiddo.”
It was the kiddo that reminded Ezra that Alaska was so much younger than he was. He had a tendency to completely forget. He wasn’t sure their age mattered, really. She probably lived more lifetimes than he ever would, had more experiences, and new things that he would never know, not unless she told him. And he wondered if she ever would. There were some things a person just couldn’t talk about.
He hoped Alaska felt like she could talk to him though.
“How did it go? Did they let you marry him even though he has a criminal record” Caleb said, smacking Ezra on the back.
“What?” Alaska looked confused.
“He’s messing with you.” Ezra said, smacking Caleb back, perhaps a little harder than necessary.
“It sounded good, anyway,” Caleb said with a grin.
“It didn’t sound the slightest bit believable to me,” Alaska said. Ezra appreciated the fact that she was defending him. Even if it was against his own siblings. Or maybe especially. It would be easy to be drawn into their banter, but she was letting them know that she stood firmly beside him. He put a hand on her shoulder, and drew her carefully to him, and was cheered when she allowed him to do so, slipping her own arm around his waist again as she had done earlier that day.
