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“I had to be strong,” I whisper. “Always strong.” I swallow and fight the tears. “My feelings didn’t matter. My mom took care of us, so why should I add to her burden by being sad.”
“Saylor,” Elijah says, wrapping his hand around my calf.
“I hated it,” I blurted. “I hated living in fear. I hated that fucking car with the uncomfortable back seat. I hated the thin blankets we had to keep warm. I hated never having a home. Not knowing when I was going to eat next. If someone was going to think we were easy pickings while we slept unaware in the car at night. I didn’t have friends or social skills to make them once I grew up.
“I couldn't go to school,” I say angrily, turning my head toward him. “I don’t have a diploma. My mom taught me how to read but that is the extent of my education. Do you know how much shame that brings me? We couldn’t stay anywhere for long enough for me to enroll into a school. What would be the point? I would have to be pulled out at any minute. I’m so fucking angry at her, yet I miss her so goddamn much it hurts. How is that possible?
“She didn’t fight. Even when they killed her—she didn’t fight. Why? I just wanted her to fight them. Maybe we could have found other shifters that would help us. But she avoided any others we came across.
“You don’t know how lucky you are to have found this community. I know they frustrate you, but they love you. I would have given anything to have what you have here.”
“Shit,” he says, opening his legs and pulling me into his body. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m an ungrateful asshole sometimes. It’s hard for me to accept the help.”
“I’m sorry. I realize it’s difficult for you, too.” I put my ear over his heart.
“What a pair we are,” he sighs. “Thank you for sharing that. It’s not easy.”
“I’ve kept it in for so long.” I grip his shirt. “I want you to understand that I need to end this. I have to fight. I have to take my power back. I have the opportunity to borrow your friends to watch out for me.”
“They are your friends, too. You don’t know them well yet, but once you are on their fucking radar, they don’t let go. It’s super annoying sometimes. But I am grateful to have them.” He kisses the top of my head. “Don’t tell them though—I have a reputation to protect.”
“Of course,” I say, smiling. I sober quickly. “I don’t want you to hate my mom.”
“Why would I? Even though she could have done things differently, she did what she could. She was protecting you.”
“She did protect me. I wish it was different but I can’t change it.”
We hold each other in silence. As much as he has relaxed, I can feel his anger simmering under the surface. Whether it’s from what I went through or the things we are going to have to do to get rid of Grant, I don’t know.
“What do you think about forgetting about all this shit for one night?”
“Sounds amazing.”
“Have you ever been to a nightclub?”
“Uh, no,” I admit. “Not a lot of time for dancing.”
“Have you ever met a panther?”
“Again, no,” I say, sitting up. “Why?”
“You're going to meet the ones who started it all,” he says mysteriously.
Chapter Eighteen
Elijah
Saylor’s eyes are shifting nervously as she looks around the club. It’s still early so it’s not nearly as full as usual. This is a good thing—I would hate to kill a human. Saylor is wearing a dress borrowed from Penny. It’s tight as fuck, long, and so sinfully sexy. My first instinct when she walked out of the bedroom was to demand she change. Did she have no sympathy for me? I was going to go through torture watching her walk through the club with all the eyes following her. I wondered about the sympathetic looks from Laken and Bishop as the bag that held the dress was passed over.
I couldn’t kill her excitement. I was going to have to control every instinct I had. I was not starting the night right—I may have shoved the bouncer on the way in. Saylor walked by him and his eyes were glued to her ass. I waited until she cleared the door before I did it, but she smirked at me when I caught up.
The club was two levels. The second floor had several private rooms for VIPs and behind those were offices and the roomsof some of Jax’s pack. The bottom floor had a large dance floor and two bars. Numerous tables were scattered around the dance floor, along with booths behind those. The windows were shuttered, so even though it was early, the whole room was dark.
The music was loud. With our hearing, it could be grating on our ears. We have learned to almost mute them.
I tear my eyes off my mate’s delicious ass to notice my surroundings. There are more people than I thought. I already want to cut their eyes out as they stare at my stunning mate. There are shifters of all kinds around us. I smell bear, lion, wolf, fox, and panthers of course. It will be harder to sense any vampires here with all the other ones bombarding us.
My arm locks around Saylor’s waist, anchoring her to me.
