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"We're sorry too," Leia says, laying her head against mine.
"We never meant to make you feel like you were stuck and couldn't grow up or change, Gemma. We never meant to make you feel like you had to be perfect." Heidi runs her fingers through my hair, gently unsnarling tangles.
"You don't owe us because of what we went through when we were little," Adalynn says. "You don't have to spend the rest of our life trying to repay us because we wanted our baby sister to be okay. We were old enough to feed ourselves. You weren't, Gemma. You don't have to carry that anymore."
"Neither do any of you," I whisper. "We aren't those little girls anymore. Those little girls survived. They grew up. And they'll never be back there again. It's okay to forget it."
"I've already forgotten a lot of it," Charlie says. "I remember bits and pieces, but that's it."
"I've forgotten stuff too." Heidi sighs. "Sometimes, I wish I could forget all of it."
"Me too," Leia admits.
"I want to forget our bio parents," Adalynn speaks softly. "I feel like they don't deserve a place in my memories. But I've never been able to forget them."
I slip my hand into hers, squeezing tightly. "They don't deserve a place in your memories. They don't deserve you or any of us. They never did."
"Yeah," she whispers.
We sit quietly for a moment before Heidi speaks up. "You were going to tell us about Bronx yesterday, weren't you?"
"I planned on it."
"I'm sorry I blew it," Leia says, guilt in her voice.
"You didn't."
"I did."
"I just…I need you guys to let me grow up a little bit, okay? And I need you to be okay with me not being perfect because I'm not. I'm so not." I bite my lip and then giggle. "I talk back and I get into trouble and break the rules and I say what I want to say and I do what I want to do and I don't care what the whole world thinks."
"With Bronx?"
"Yes, but I don't want it to be just with him. I want to be able to be myself all the time."
"So be yourself," Charlie says. "I've been getting into trouble my whole life, Gemma. No one loves me any less because of it.You're allowed to be whoever you are. That's the thing about family. We love you anyway."
"But what if…"
"What if what?"
"What if who I am likes things that the world says are wrong?"
"You mean BDSM things?" Leia asks point blank.
I nod, staring down at the blanket. I don't care what the world thinks about me. But these four? Their opinions matter. They'll always matter.
"So you like kinky sex," Charlie says. "Who cares?"
"You won't be embarrassed or ashamed if people find out that I go to the club?"
"I mean, your boyfriend works there. Obviously, people are going to assume you've been there." Charlie rolls her eyes. "Who cares what they think? They're just going to be jealous that Bronx does dirty stuff to you and not them. Because holy moly. That man is hot."
"I'm telling Xavier," Leia says.
"If you tell Xavier, then I'm telling Colter because you said the same thing earlier!"
"I'll buy you pie if you don't tell."
