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Becca still looked terrified even though she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hand clutched his tighter than he thought possible. He winced when Buttercup shifted and her grip grew even more forceful.
“Okay,breathe. Feel the horse beneath you. Listen to her. She’s not going to do anything to hurt you. You’re going to befriends today. Trust her. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”
Becca did just that. The longer she practiced the breathing exercises, the softer her features became. This was a woman who was willingly going against her every instinct and doing something that terrified her.
Could he do the same?
There was only one thing he was scared of, one thing he knew without a doubt he’d be judged for. And he wasn’t sure he was capable of sharing that side of him—with a writer of all people.
He shook his head as if the physical motion would be enough to convince him that he was insane if he thought she would understand. Someone like Becca—a wizard with words—would never want to date someone who had never gotten past the challenges that had plagued him in school.
Ethan clenched his jaw, allowing the ache to ground him. But then Becca opened her eyes and stared down at him with such an expression that all his insecurities were chased away. He couldn’t believe he was actually considering the idea.
He wanted to tell her, to unburden himself with her.
Becca’s smile faded and she stared at him with curiosity. “What? You didn’t just have me do that because you thought it would be funny, did you?”
Shaking his head, he thought it over again. His dyslexia was so severe that he had to use apps to read to him. When he chose to work on it, even the simplest of messages took him five times longer to read than someone who didn’t have his condition. He’d lived his life disappointing his parents, who had only thought hewasn’t trying hard enough to get good grades—and he’d never told them he’d spent hours of hard work only to scrape by with C’s.
Not only that, but he’d been so ashamed of his learning disability that he’d never let anyone else get close enough to figure it out—not even Tina.
Then he met Becca.
What was he thinking? He couldn’t tell her, could he?
“Ethan?”
His focus sharpened on Becca, drinking in all of her. Even if they didn’t work out, he felt safe with her. Something told him he could share with her and not feel judged. He didn’t know where that thought had come from, but it was the driving force that led him to finally break the silence.
“I can’t read,” he blurted.
Her eyes didn’t leave his face.
Dang it all! He couldn’t tell if she was disgusted, surprised, or shocked. Heck, she was probably all three.
“I mean… I can read, but it takes a lot of time and effort. It’s bad enough that if I need something read quickly, I usually take a picture and put it into an app I have that will read it to me.”
Still, she didn’t react. He wanted to beg her to say something. He needed to know what she thought. This confession could very well be the thing that pushed whatever he was feeling over the edge.
He wouldn’t have blamed her for wanting to put distance between them at this point. Who wouldn’t? If he struggled somuch, his kids would probably have the same problem. And who would want to be with a guy who took so long to look over the menu that the waitress had to make three rounds? More importantly, who would want to marry someone who couldn’t handle legal documents with ease? What would happen if he wanted to get a loan?
Ethan took a step away from the horse, preparing for his defenses to rise like a drawbridge. He’d made a big mistake in telling her. He should have never thought she’d be okay with this. The growing silence between them was all the proof he needed.
Even if they’d gotten closer, they’d never work out. He might as well cut his loses right here, right now.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Becca didn’t knowwhat to say, and that was a first. Normally, she was so good with words that she could come up with anything to say in the moment. She knew when to keep her mouth shut and when to intervene in a conversation.
This was not one of those times.
He mentioned having an app that could read aloud to him. She imagined that was helpful and was glad that there were resources he was using to help.
Her thoughts made a quick shift to his career.
Ethan had built his future around horses. He trained them, exercised them, worked with his hands. She couldn’t recall a single time when he’d needed to read anything. This was very much a hands-on job.
Becca blinked a few more times, letting this new information sink in. She’d never had issues with reading. Education had come easy to her, and the fact that Ethan had struggled for so long made her heart ache.
