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“I know it wasn’t real,” I say. I wipe an annoyed hand across my cheek. “I know that… that this is all… I don’t know. A charade? A prank? A kindness? I can’t even remember. But I thought… I thought we were… maybe…”
“Real?” Alice supplies gently.
“Yes,” I admit. It feels like a crushing—like boulders on my chest. “I thought maybe he… I thought he liked me.”
Alice gets on her knees to hold my hands. “Try again.”
“He… I thought he wanted me.”
She shakes her head. This time, we’re both full of tears. “Again.”
When I finally admit it, really admit it, everything feels so much worse.
Crying fully now, I shake. “I thought he loved me.”
Alice wraps her arms around me. I cry against her shoulder, feeling like a foolish child. What is wrong with me? I think harshly. Who do I think I am?
I never should have even looked in his direction. And now… Jesus. What a pathetic mess I am. What a stupid, insignificant?—
“Stop it,” Alice says harshly.
“Stop what?” I sniffle.
She pulls away, looking at me with all the kindness in the world, even as her mouth spins into a disappointed frown. “Don’t think badly about yourself.”
“I didn’t say anything,” I say meekly.
“You thought it so loud, I heard it,” Alice says. She sits back. I slide onto the floor next to her. A pile of dresses falls off and onto our laps. We pluck through them silently for a few minutes.
“Was it so stupid?” I whisper. My fingers glide over the sequins on the short dress in my lap. It’s Alice’s, I think, or it used to be. I think it’s pretty.
“Was what?”
“Me… thinking that…”
Alice’s eyes find mine. “No,” she says firmly.
“But you always thought he didn’t,” I say. It’s just a guess, but she sighs. “You always thought this was a mistake.”
“I did,” she allows. “But that doesn’t mean I wanted to be right.”
“What did I miss?”
“An innate distrust of men,” Alice jokes.
I sigh, dropping my head back against the chair. “He seemed…”
“I saw it,” Alice says. My head snaps up fast enough for pain to momentarily shoot through my neck.
“You did?”
“I mean, I saw it in you. And you… you’re not a silly or stupid girl, Laura. If you thought he loved you… well, he either loved you or…”
She trails off, shrugging.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Or he was lying to me.”
She nods.
