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“He is at rest. Now.”
That single word, “Now,” turned her entire meaning on its head. Not that it wasn’t obvious before. I just refused to accept it.
And just like that, she shattered my entire world.
I clung to the hope I misunderstood her. But I wouldn’t question her. That would make it too real.
“I’m sorry,” Stari said.
The tears were in my eyes before I blinked again. They ran down my cheeks but I couldn’t feel them.
“I don’t believe you,” I said.
Stari looked up at me.
“He’s still out there somewhere,” I said. “He has to be.”
“I know it’s difficult to accept,” Stari said.
“He’s too strong to be gone. He’s still out there fighting. I know it.”
“I could show you his body if that would help.”
I searched Stari’s face for any hint she was bluffing.
I found none.
I decided to call her bluff, tell her I wanted to see his body. Even if she took me to see him, I would assume the body wasn’t his. It would be fake, a forgery they’d made, like this entire gameshow.
“Yes,” I said. “I want to see him.”
Stari searched my expression before nodding.
“Then follow me,” she said.
The door slid open automatically as she approached it. I got up and moved toward the doorway but couldn’t pass through it.
Stari stood on the other side and waited patiently.
“He’s this way,” she said.
I stared at the seam line that marked where my room ended and the rest of the base began.
But it wasn’t only a base. It was a whole world where Chax no longer lived. He was dead on that side of the door. In this room, he was still alive—to me anyway. To keep him alive, I had to stay in this room. If I stepped outside and saw his body, if I accepted he was gone, it would infect this room and remove him from all existence.
I stepped back.
The automatic door slid shut. Stari was there a moment later, appearing in the doorway.
I fell back on the cot and sat with my head in my hands. A deep chasm opened in my chest, a hole so big and deep I knew I could never fill it.
Stari let the door slide shut behind her. She stood there for a while and didn’t say a word.
“I’ll… come back later,” she said.
She turned to leave.
“Am I free to leave?” I said.
