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I could already feel the tears shimmering in my eyes.
“I’m here to do a job,” I said. “And I can’t do it.”
It took a lot for me to admit that. Especially in front of him.
He stepped toward me and raised his powerful hands. He hesitated, not sure how I might react if he placed them on my shoulders.
So damn considerate.
“You haven’t let me down,” he said. “I can see how hard you’re trying. What you’re doing is more than enough. You’ll get it. I know you will. You’ll do the dance and everything else. And my mom will love you. I know she will.”
I couldn’t look at him. Not when the tears were so close to rolling down my cheeks.
“You should choose one of the other girls,” I insisted. “They already know this stuff. I bet they can perform the dance better than I ever could.”
He edged a little closer and finally placed those hands on my shoulders. At first, he was tentative, then firmer.
“It’s not the dance that’s important,” he said. “It’s the dancer performing it.”
And just like that, my fears were alleviated. I understood what he was saying.
He wanted me because I ticked his boxes. Not because I would be the best performing seal.
I still wanted to be the best. I still wanted to perform better than the others, still wanted to be what he needed me to be.
But with the lessons I was taking, that version was nothing like the real me.
“Is there anything about me you don’t want to change?” I said.
Now it was his turn to feel embarrassed and unable to look me in the eye. He took a deep breath.
“I chose you because you caught my eye,” he said. “It wasn’t just because you were the most beautiful girl there, it was because I saw that fire in your eyes, the fire that’s in your eyes right now. I would prefer for it not to be directed at me, but I love that it’s there. The other girls seemed nice enough but they don’t have that. Your fight. That was what I noticed first about you. And I never want that to go away.
“As for changing things about you, the lessons you’re taking only affect superficial things. Yes, you might need to speak a little differently, but do you speak the same way to your mom and your grandma and your professor at school? Everything you’re learning is a veneer, an overlay. I still want you to be you. If you feel like these lessons are making you too different from who you really are, then I’ll stop them.”
I fought my eyes, pressuring them to control themselves and prevent the tears from rolling down my face.
“Really?” I said.
“Yes,” he said. “It’s all superficial. It’s for appearances only. That’s all.”
Then he did something he’d never done before. He put a hand to my chin and gently raised it so I was looking at him. He ran his thumb over my cheek. His thumb was so close to my lips, I thought he would touch them too.
Please, touch them.
And then kiss me.
The moment begged for it. The mist was so thick it was like we were our own private audience.
Nobody was going to encroach on us.
He blinked, coming back from whatever thoughts or daydreams he was having.
I was certainly having my own.
“Let’s go home,” he said. “What do you think?”
I nodded.
