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“I might have,” I said.
Mom nodded and sipped at her coffee.
“I suppose you were going to find out sooner or later anyway,” she said. “I’m not looking for your replacement. I’m looking for mine.”
“Yours?” I said.
“Ever since your father passed away, it’s fallen to me to run the business. I’m not a visionary the way your father was. I was always more interested in the accounting side. I’ve always been a numbers person at heart. But I’m competent enough to run the company with some help. I gave you a month to settle down and give yourself a chance of stepping into the role. I figured I might as well look for my replacement in case you didn’t succeed.”
“You’re looking for someone in case I fail?”
Ouch. That hurt.
“Not just that,” she said. “We both know this is not the first time you’ve made a promise to me and not kept it. When you do step into your father’s shoes, there’s a lot that you need to learn. That’s why thought I could hire someone to show you the ropes and work alongside you. If you decide not to take up the reins, we’ll have someone to step in.”
She was never looking to replace me. It was a backup plan.
I nodded and tapped my fingernails on my coffee cup.
Someone to work alongside me. To babysit me.
Because she couldn’t trust me.
Perhaps I deserved her mistrust but it still grated.
But something about this didn’t make sense.
“Why did you suddenly decide this now?” I said.
“Because when I stopped by your apartment yesterday, you weren’t there,” she said. “I assumed the worst and put out the advert.”
“I wasn’t partying yesterday,” I said.
Mom nodded and downed the last of her coffee.
“Sure,” she said.
There was a ring of noncommittal to it as if she didn’t really believe me.
And who could blame her? When you had a liar for a son, you tended not to believe what they said.
“No, really,” I said. “I wasn’t partying. I wasn’t drunk. I haven’t had a drop for the past week. Okay, so I did have some wine, but no more than a glass a night.”
Mom nodded. No doubt she assumed it wasn’t true.
I reached across the table and took her tiny hand in mine.
She looked up into my face.
“Really,” I said. “I’m telling the truth. I’ve been doing what I said I would. I know it hasn’t been easy having me as a son for the past few years. Okay, the past couple of decades. I haven’t been easy to live with but I finally feel like I’m turning a corner in my life.
“I know my word doesn’t mean much to you right now, and I don’t blame you. It wouldn’t mean much to me either in your situation. I will work hard. I will make you proud of me. And with time, maybe you will come to trust me the way I trust you. I don’t expect it to be easy and I know it will take time, but now I have a goal, a purpose. And I’m not just talking about the company.”
“What purpose?”
“I’ve met somebody, somebody who I think you’ll approve of, somebody you’d want in my life. The support you always told me about.”
My mom looked at me with tears in her eyes. She squeezed my hand.
