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“I will.”I will?I internally facepalm. Crap, does he know about us? Is she in town? Shit. Did she tell him I’m her plus one? I blink away the thought and walk to my car.
As I’m driving home, I feel a pang of guilt that I’m seeing this Marissa woman, when I can’t get Beth out of my head. Iknow Beth is seeing other people, so I’m not worried what she might think of me dating. I’m mostly concerned with my date tonight and if she’s ok with casually hooking up with a man who is thinking about another woman. My bet is she’s not.
I get to my place, hop in the shower, and put on a pair of dark jeans and a black tee. I pick up the cologne. Mid-spritz, I stop myself. Last time it was used, I saw Beth, and don’t need that to taint the potential of a great date with another girl; she deserves better. After a final glance in the entryway mirror adjusting my hair, I grab my keys and head out to meet Marissa.
I park in front of Rusty’s, and take a few moments to collect myself. Tonight should be fun, and I’m a bit nervous about what to expect. I don’t remember the last time I went on a real date. With a deep breath, I exit my car.
As I enter the bar, I spot Marissa seated at one of the tables. She looks up from her phone as I approach and offers me a soft smile. While she is undoubtedly beautiful, I’m beginning to wonder how much we had to drink when we met. She’s wearing a light pink cardigan, hair pulled off her forehead with a headband, and is only missing a string of pearls to complete her ensemble. I’m more into women who wear ripped jeans, band tees, and flannels—or just Beth.
I mirror her smile. As she stands to greet me, we share an awkward hug. She tucks into my body with ease, but it’s more friendly than relationship-worthy. When we break apart, I ask, “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Oh, um, maybe a gin martini?” she asks sheepishly.
I glance behind me to the bartender and return my gaze to her with a light chuckle. “Pretty sure you know as well as I do thatthey’re prepared for that. Best you’ll get here is a gin and tonic.”
“Tried the other night, and failed. Maybe you’ll have better luck.”
I make my way to the bar to order her a gin martini. As I anticipated, the bartender laughs and shakes his head at the request. He sets a lowball glass filled with ice on the bar, and pours three shots of gin.Fuck, he’s going to get her drunk!He tops it off with a lime wedge and a splash of tonic.
When I met Marissa, she was fun and flirty. Tonight, she’s acting as if she’s preparing for a job interview. It’ll be a short evening if we can’t have a great night out. I order myself a draft beer, and return to the table with our drinks. I return to our table and set hers in front of her.
As she sips her gin and tonic, she nearly chokes, likely from the heavy pour. “That’ll put hair on your chest,” she laughs through a few coughs.
I take a long drink of my beer, finding her endearing. She might just be nervous but she seems to be opening up a bit. “So, how’s everything going at the new job?”
“Really well, thanks. I've been training under Jules for the last two weeks. She’s incredible. If everything goes well, they’ll have me transferring out in a week or two.”
I hum in acknowledgement. We continue talking about her job and what we did for the holidays—omitting that I was fucking Beth every chance I got in between Christmas parties at the lodge. Marissa is sweet but, unfortunately, I’m not feeling any sort of attraction here. While Beth might never be mine, Marissa doesn’t hold a candle to her—I need someone who is every bit as crazy as I am. Marissa will probably beginpicking out the perfect fine China pattern in the morning if I bring her home.
We finish our drinks. Instead of ordering another round, I check my phone and feign disappointment. “Hope you don’t mind cutting the night short. I just got a message that I need to do an overnight shift at the lodge,” I lie.
“Oh, sure. Maybe we can get together another time before I’m shipped out to another branch,” she says brightly. Though, I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’m not interested.
I close out our tab and walk her to her car. I have a flashback of when Beth was here, spread wide for me on the hood of my car, as I devoured her delicious pussy. Fuck, I can almost taste her just thinking about it.
“Thanks for tonight.” Marissa’s words bring me back to the present.
“Sorry I can’t stay longer.” I lean in to press a kiss to her cheek, but she turns and our mouths collide. It’s the most anticlimactic kiss of the century—tight-lipped with no fire, no spark, just…nothing. I feel literally nothing for her. I don’t know if it’s being hung up on Beth, or that Marissa and I have no chemistry. What I do know is after that kiss, her pink cardigan won’t be on my floor in the morning.
beth
?. . .?
January 23rd
Why have one friend with benefits when you can have two? That’s the saying, right?
What started as a casual relationship with Troy has become a sexual escapade. Either he has a bucket list—without a cool five-gallon bucket of lube—or kinks that have been unleashed while being with me. His creepy neighbor across the way has watched us fuck from his balcony no less than six times, and I’ve only been back in Calgary for a few weeks. I consider myself a woman who is up for anything, but things are getting out of hand.
Being a Tuesday, I don’t have to prepare for the class I’m a teacher assistant for until tomorrow. I’ll have a night off to review notes from my advisor, fuck myself, and go to sleep—like a normal person. As handsome as Troy is, and no matter how many times I come when he pops by, there’s something missing. Part of me longs for Axl’s gentle but possessive hand around my throat, our night on the balcony New Year’s Eve… how when he comes, I’m not just a hole to be filled.
Shit. Why am I thinking about Axl?
I shake away the thought of him as I bunker down and commit myself to a solid four hours of revisions to my document before bed.
Iwake to my face planted on the keyboard, the imprint of the keys firmly embedded on my cheek. I rub the marks and groan. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, my edits aren’t finished and I have to meet with my committee with keyboard face.
I check my phone and find missed texts from Axl, Tristan, and Troy. I click on Axl’s first.
