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How unfair life is.
I’m too young.
I’ve barely had a chance to live.
What happens when you die?
Is there a heaven, or is it like before you were born, where everything is just black?
I’ll never get to run my own kitchen.
I’ll never make food for Dad again.
I’ll never get married, and Dad won’t walk me down the aisle.
I won’t have children.
It’s unfair.
But the thoughts slowly faded, and in their place, a weird acceptance that ‘it is what it is’ settled in me.
There’s no fighting the inevitable.
Whenever I think something is too hard or impossible to handle, I somehow manage to overcome it. It’s the same with dying. In the end, I’ve made peace with what’s coming, so I don’t lose my mind.
Dad comes into the hospital room, and a tired but happy smile tugs at my mouth. After I accepted my fate, I decided to enjoy every second I have left with my father.
When I’m gone, I want him to remember my smiles and not my tears.
“Hey, Daddy,” I murmur, my tone filled with all the love I have for him.
“Hi, sweetheart.” He sits down on the armchair next to my bed and takes my hand in both of his. Like always, he presses a kiss to the back of my fingers before his eyes drift over every inch of my face.
My smile grows wider, then I say, “Remember when you were dating Mom? Whenever you came over, I would hide in the same stupid spot.” A chuckle escapes me.
The corner of Dad’s mouth lifts. “Behind the curtains in the living room. Your feet would stick out.”
Again, I chuckle. “You’d make a big show of looking everywhere for me.” My fingers tighten around Dad’s. “I have so many special memories thanks to you.”
Dad’s chin quivers, and he clears his throat before he says, “And we’ll make many more.”
His cell phone starts to ring, and letting go of my hand, he digs the device out of his pocket, and walking out of the room, I hear him say, “Please give me good news… I don’t care how much it costs…Yes…Yes…”
I can’t hear more as his voice fades away, but minutes later, he returns with intense relief on his face. Leaning over me, he frames my face, and his eyes lock with mine.
“You’re getting a kidney tomorrow, sweetheart.”
Shock hits me hard, and I can only whisper, “What?”
“I’ve found someone who can help us. The surgery will be tomorrow.” Dad leans closer and presses a kiss to my forehead. “You’re going to be okay.”
The desperate hope I’ve been suppressing explodes in my chest, and instantly, a sob bursts over my lips. For a moment, itfeels like I’m having an out-of-body experience, my skin tingling and my heart racing a mile a minute.
Tears sneak from Dad’s eyes, and his voice is hoarse as he says, “You’re going to be okay, sweetheart.”
I can only sob as I nod.
Where my life was over a second ago and I was waiting to die, I’m now filled with dizzying relief and hope.
