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“When?” Nova asks, looking as shocked as I am.
“The day your father left you.” My mom reaches out to grasp Nova’s hand. “You were so tiny and scared. I saw you crying for your father and assumed you’d lost him. I went up to you and gave you one of the donuts I’d just got from the bakery to calm you down. Do you remember that?”
“Kind of.” Nova pauses, like she’s trying to remember. “The lady had a hat on. A baseball cap.”
My mom nods. “I’d been out for a run. A friend of mine from college lived in that town and I went there to see her. After my run that morning, I decided to stop and get us some donuts for breakfast and a few other things. I had just got the donuts when I heard you crying.”
“You had dark hair.”
“Yes.” My mom smiles a little. “I did back then. I color it now.”
“Did you try to find her dad?” Jenna asks.
My mom’s gaze remains on Nova, and she’s still clutching her hand. “I brought her to one of the ladies who works there and asked if she could watch her until her dad came back. I assumed he’d just gone to the car to get something. Then later that night, I saw on the news that her father never went back to the store. The police went to his apartment, but it was cleaned out, like he’d left town. When I got back home, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I asked my friend to call me with any updates she’d heard on her local news. She heard nothing for months, and then finally, she called and said she’d heard the little girl was in foster care and available for adoption.” A tear slides down my mom’s face as she looks at Nova. “I wanted to go get you, to give you a home. I’d thought about you every day since that day in the store. I loved you like you were already mine.”
“Then why didn’t you adopt me?” Nova asks.
“Because of your mother,” my dad says.
Nova and I look at him to explain.
“Your mother had severe psychological issues,” he says to Nova. “She heard voices. Had hallucinations.”
“She took drugs,” Nova says. “That’s why she was like that.”
“If your father told you that, it’s not true. I spoke with the psychiatrist who had been working with your mother on a volunteer basis. She had no money to get the proper treatment, but even if she did, she wouldn’t go. She was convinced every person who tried to help her was trying to hurt her. She saw everyone as the enemy, even you.”
“Stephen, stop!” my mom says. “She doesn’t need to know.”
“Know what?” Nova asks.
“Your mother tried to kill you,” my dad says.
“Stephen, stop this right now!” my mom yells.
My dad ignores her. “She thought you were a demon sent to take her to hell. She tried to drown you in the tub, then realized what she was doing and stopped. She called the psychiatrist and told him what she’d almost done, and when she hung up… she killed herself.”
I turn back to Nova. Her eyes are glossy and she’s shaking. I put my arm around her and look back at my dad. “Is that really true?”
“Why would I make that up? It’s a horrible story, but it’s what happened and it’s the reason why we weren’t able to take Nova.”
“Why?” she asks. “What does my mom have to do with it?”
“He thought you’d turn out just like her,” my mom says. “The psychiatrist told him it was hereditary and that there was a chance you’d have the same condition and start hallucinating and hearing voices.”
“It tends to run in families,” my dad says. “And if we were only going to have one child, I wanted a healthy one.”
“I still wanted you,” my mom says to Nova. “But he wouldn’t let me have you.”
Nova gazes down at the table.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” I ask my mom. “Why would you keep this a secret?”
“We didn’t want you thinking you were our second choice. Because you weren’t. We’d already decided we wouldn’t be taking Nova before we’d even met you.”
“How did you find me? You didn’t live in that town.”
“My friend who lived there knew Liz, your foster mom. They went to the same church. One day Liz mentioned that she’d be fostering a little boy, the same age as Nova. I wanted to go meet you, but your father didn’t think we were ready to consider adopting again. I was still too upset about Nova. The only thing making me feel better was knowing she was with Liz. My friend assured me Liz was a wonderful woman who took very good care of you both.”
