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I reach over and hold her hand. “We don’t have to talk about this.”
“I want to. And you’re the only person I’d talk to about it.”
“I’m just saying, it’s horrible to think that she’d do that. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to remember her that way. I’d want to forget I ever knew that story.”
“But isn’t that what your parents did? With me?”
“What do you mean?”
“They tried to forget I was almost theirs. And look what happened. Isn’t it better to just be honest about the bad stuff rather than try to hide it?”
“I guess.”
She doesn’t talk the rest of the way and I don’t either. I think we both need time to work through this in our heads.
It’s almost nine when we get to the cabin. It’s really dark and I have to use a flashlight to find our way to the door. Snow’s piled up in front of it. I have a shovel in the Jeep, but I don’t want to mess with the snow this late. I just want to get inside.
“It’s better than I thought it’d be,” Nova says as I turn on the light. “You made it sound like a shack.”
“It is compared to their other cabin.”
Nova walks around, checking it out. “It has two bedrooms, a bathroom, and the kitchen is huge. This is a great house.”
She sees things so much differently than I do. I always thought this place was kind of a dump, but to Nova, it’s a nice place to live. She wouldn’t think that if she’d grown up like I did, with my parents raising her.
It almost happened. She was almost theirs. That really fucks with my brain. Where would I be if they’d picked her instead of me?
26
Easton
“We should’ve stoppedat a store and got food.” I open the fridge. It’s empty.
“I’m not hungry.” Nova sits on the couch and covers herself with the blanket I had in the Jeep. “Do you know how to make a fire?”
“I do, but I’m not very good at it. And I don’t have any wood. We’ll just have to sit really close to stay warm.” I join her under the blanket.
“I never put it together,” Nova says.
“What?”
“That your mom was that lady at the store. She looked so different back then. She had dark hair and it was short and she had that baseball cap on. I never would’ve guessed it was her.”
“You were also really young. It’s hard to remember stuff from that age.”
“Now I get why she’s been so nice to me since I’ve been at your house. Taking care of me when I was sick. Buying me clothes.”
“She would’ve done that anyway, even if she didn’t have that connection with you. She likes taking care of people.”
“I think I would’ve liked having her as a mom.”
“Anyone would’ve been better than Ted. And my mom’s the reason you were with him. She ruined your life. If she hadn’t found Ted, you could’ve been adopted by people who would’ve treated you well.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe nobody would’ve wanted me.”
“They would. You were adorable.”
“But I wasn’t like other little girls. I liked trucks and playing in the dirt, and I was messed up from being with my dad. I didn’t like people hugging me or holding my hand. I only let you do that.”
