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“Yeah.” She yawns and closes her eyes, her head resting on my chest. A few minutes later, she’s asleep, but I’m wide awake, reliving the past 12 years in my head. I keep imagining Nova taking my place, living with my parents, having the life she should’ve had, and me, still in the foster home. If that’s how it would’ve turned out, I would’ve done it. I would’ve traded places with her so she never would’ve had to live with Ted. If my parents had adopted her, she’d have a completely different life. She’d be going to college next year.
Was her mom really the reason my dad didn’t want her? Or did he just say that because he wanted a son?
I don’t think Nova will have the same issues her mom did. If that was going to happen, it would’ve happened by now. Her mom was 20 when she had her. Nova’s almost 18. She should be showing symptoms by now.
I get out my phone, trying not to wake her, and do a search for schizophrenia, which is what I’m guessing her mom had. The first article I find says it does run in families, but that it’s not common. Was my dad really that worried about it that he’d tell his wife she can’t have the kid she really wanted? I guess I could see him being that way. He’s a perfectionist and expects perfection in his family. A kid who might someday have schizophrenia—even if it was a tiny chance—would ruin his dream for a perfect family.
But what about me? He knows my parents lived on the streets and stole stuff. I could’ve turned out the same way. Why was he willing to adopt me? Does he think stealing isn’t hereditary and that I’d turn out okay with the right upbringing?
Reading through another article, it says schizophrenia may not develop until your mid-twenties or later. I still don’t think it’ll happen to Nova, and if it did, I’d still love her. I wouldn’t give up on her. I wouldn’t leave her.
“Easton?” she mumbles. She moves and I drop my phone on the floor. I reach for it, which makes her sit up. “What are you doing?”
“I dropped my phone. Go back to sleep.”
“I’ll get it.” She picks it up.
“Nova, don’t,” I say as she looks at the screen. I reach for my phone but she gets up, taking my phone with her.
“You think I’m gonna turn out like my mom,” she says as she reads the article.
“Nova, stop.” I jump up and take my phone from her. “You don’t need to read that.”
“Why?Youdid. You looked it up to see if your dad was right. To see if I’d turn out like crazy like my mom.”
“That’s not what I was doing.”
“Then why did you look it up?”
I sigh. “Okay, yeah, I wanted to see if my dad was telling the truth, but I don’t care what those articles say. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Really?” She huffs. “You really want to stay with someone who might try to kill you because she thinks you’re a monster or a demon or—”
“I’m not worried about that.” I walk up to her. “I’m more worried about you getting scared and running off when I tell you I want to marry you someday.”
She rolls her eyes. “We’re not getting married.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re still getting to know each other.”
“I know you better than anyone, and I’m going to keep getting to know you. I didn’t say I’d marry you next week. But someday, years from now, I could see it happening.”
“I can’t. I can’t even see past next week, or tomorrow. I just try to get through the day.”
“My point is, I’m not going to leave you if something happens.” I bring her into my arms. “I love you, and I want you in my life.”
“I never said we couldn’t be friends.”
“I want more than a friend.”
She pulls away. “It could happen to me later, when I’m older.”
“Forget about the fucking articles. Anything could happen, to either of us. I could get hurt playing hockey. I could be paralyzed, live the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Would you leave me if that happened?”
“No.”
“Then stop worrying about this. No matter what happens, we’ll still be in each other’s lives.”
