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“But you’ll keep my secret, right? You can’t tell people Ted died.”
“I won’t, but aren’t they going to find out? People from school live in your building. If they notice you’re not at school and go to your apartment, they’ll know you’re not there anymore.”
“Which is why if they ask, you just tell them Ted decided to move away and that I went with him.”
“Okay, got it.” She pauses. “What about that guy? The one you were dating? Did you break up with him?”
“Kind of. Well, yeah, I guess I did. We had a fight and I haven’t talked to him.”
“What happened?”
“I found out he’s still with his girlfriend. It doesn’t matter. I never expected it to last.”
It’s true, but I thought it’d last longer than a few weeks. I thought I’d be with Easton until he left for college. But as usual, things didn’t work out.
“Guys are jerks. I’m starting to think I’ll never find a good one.”
I thought I’d found a good one with Easton, but he was just playing a character. Pretending to be someone he wasn’t.
I hear someone trying to unlock the door. “Rielle, I have to go. Talk to you later.”
“Okay, bye.”
Jumping up from the couch, I turn toward the door just as it opens. A tall, skinny woman with long black hair and bright pink lipstick walks in, holding a little girl on her hip.
“Are you Noelle?” she asks, chomping on her gum.
“Nova.”
“That’s right. I knew it started with an N.” She walks up to me. “I’m Belinda, your dad’s girlfriend. He said you could babysit. Your dad and I are going out.” She looks at the kid. “This is Rita. She’s named after my mom, bless her soul.” She kisses the little girl’s cheek. “Bye, baby.” She hands her to me.
“Um, okay.” I take the little girl, who looks to be between one and two years old. She’s got dark hair like her mom and dark eyes. “Did you bring food for her, or what do I feed her?”
“Whatever you got. She likes that spaghetti stuff in a can. I left some here last time I came by, but Johnny probably ate it.” She rolls her eyes, smacking her gum. “If you can’t find the spaghetti, just give her bread and peanut butter. I left a jar of it here. Johnny hates peanut butter so I’m sure there’s some left.” She goes to the kitchen and opens a cabinet. “See? It’s almost full.” She sets the peanut butter jar on the counter, then goes to the door. “See ya later!”
“Wait, what time—” I sigh.
She left before I could ask what time she’d be back or when to put the kid to bed. And where do I put her? I don’t think my dad would want her on his bed. I’m not even allowed in there.
“Mamamamama,” the girl babbles as she grabs chunks of my hair.
“Do you know other words?” I ask her, pulling my hair from her tiny hands.
“Mamamamama.” She giggles and tries to grab my hair again. I take her to the couch and set her on my lap, then take the scrunchie from my wrist and pull my hair back into a ponytail.
“There, now you can’t get it.” I smile at her. She’s cute. I’m never around kids so this is kind of weird. I’m not sure what to do with them. I can’t put on the TV because it doesn’t work.
“We should probably take your coat off.” I unzip her puffy pink coat, which is ripped on the sleeve and has stains all over it. She watches me as I take it off, seeming fascinated by me. Under the coat, she’s wearing a dirty green sweater and jeans.
I wonder if this is what I looked like when I was her age. I’m sure it was. I can’t imagine my dad going out and getting me new clothes. I’m sure they all came from thrift stores or donation boxes, and he probably didn’t wash them much. He still doesn’t wash his clothes, which is why the apartment stinks. His clothes are piled up on the floor in his room. He just takes from the pile when it’s time to get dressed.
“Are you hungry?” I say to Rita. That seems like an odd name for a baby. The only Rita I knew was this really old lady who used to come in the diner. She died last September, or that’s what Mara told me. I think she heard it from one of the other customers.
I miss Mara and Kym. I even kind of miss Lenny, which sounds crazy, but I think it’s because I was getting used to him. He wasn’t much different than Ted, so maybe that’s why I miss him—because I miss Ted. How could I miss Ted? He treated me like shit. But he’s also the only family I had, so I guess it’s normal I’d feel a little sad that he’s gone.
My dad doesn’t feel like family at all. He feels like a stranger I’m stuck living with because I have nowhere else to go. He’s meaner than I remember, and he always seems stressed and agitated. It’s probably drugs making him that way, although I looked and haven’t found any in the apartment.
“Down,” Rita says, trying to climb off me.
