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“What are you saying? You didn’t sleep here last night, did you?”
“No.”
That’s a relief. Last night was below zero.
“I slept in the parking lot outside Rielle’s apartment. I forgot she doesn’t live there anymore.”
“You slept outside?” I say, almost yelling I’m so angry. Why didn’t she call me? She could’ve frozen to death sleeping outside.
“I slept in the car. I wore sweats over my jeans and used the rest of my clothes like a blanket.”
“Nova, why didn’t you call me?”
“I deleted your number.”
“Then you should’ve come to my house. You know where I live.”
“I couldn’t go there. Not after seeing how your family looked at me. And I thought you were still with Paris. I thought you lied to me.”
I grip her shoulders and look into her eyes. “You have to stop assuming the worst. I would’ve helped you no matter what, even if my parents tried to tell me I couldn’t. How could you not know that? It’s me. You know me.”
“I don’t know you. I know Sean. You’re not him anymore.”
“I am. That part of me has just been hidden for a long time. But not anymore. I want to go back to how I used to be, not this version of myself I don’t even recognize. But I need your help to get me there.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Don’t leave again. Say you’ll stay here. Say we’ll keep seeing each other.”
“I don’t know if I can. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
“You can’t keep living in your car. It’s too cold and it’s not safe.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go.”
I take a moment to think of where she could stay, but all I can come up with is for her to stay at my house. We have plenty of room. We have a basement with two guest rooms that never get used. But my parents wouldn’t agree to it. They would if it was Jace or Paris or one of my other friends, but not Nova.
“I’ll figure it out,” she says. “And for now, the car’s okay. I just need to get some more blankets.”
“Nova, you can’t—”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she says, getting up from the bench, the blanket wrapped around her. She looks thinner than the last time I saw her, at least in the face. I can’t see much of her body when it’s covered with a coat and blanket. I wonder if she’s been eating or if her dad hoarded all the food, like Ted did.
“I’m not telling you what to do.” I stand up, across from her. “I just don’t want you living in your car when it’s below zero out.” I walk away, shaking my head. “There’s gotta be a way to fix this.”
“There’s not.” She comes up beside me. “Easton, I know you want to help, but I can figure this out on my own. You have your own future to worry about. I don’t want you messing it up because of me.”
I turn to face her. “You’re not messing anything up. You saved me, Nova. Having you come back in my life showed me what I’ve been missing. I finally realized why I’ve never really been happy in this life, despite having everything I could ever want. All that stuff is great, but not if I’m not allowed to be myself.” I wrap my hands around her face. “And you. You’re what’s been missing. I didn’t realize how much I needed you in my life until you came back and then left again. If you decide that all you want to be is friends and nothing more, then that’s what we’ll do. I just don’t want to lose you again.”
She’s looking at me, not saying anything. My eyes lower to her lips, and God, I want to kiss her, but I don’t know how she’ll react. I can tell she doesn’t trust me, not after what I did. I have to start all over again and earn her trust.
“Easton, I—”
I kiss her before she can tell me she doesn’t want us to be anything more than friends. If that’s her answer, I accept that, but I want one last kiss. I want her to feel how much I love her, and always will.
She doesn’t pull away, so I wrap my arm around her waist and bring her closer. My other hand cups the back of her head, gently tipping it back as I deepen the kiss. It feels so damn good to have her in my arms again, to kiss her. I don’t want to stop, and I’m not going to until she makes me. Moments later, she does, pulling back just enough to peer up at me.
“Easton, I…” She seems hesitant to say whatever she’s thinking, which makes me think she doesn’t want this, that she only wants to be friends, maybe not even that.
