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Part of him wanted to tell her she was blowing everything out of proportion. She didn’t need to be acting this way because Taven would be leaving soon. Or he could tell her she wouldn’t be acting this way if she knew what Taven was dealing with. But mostly, he was a little relieved that he didn’t have to dig deep to figure out the reason for his doubts.
There was one word that seemed to weigh on his thoughts as he trudged toward his truck.
Coward.
Yes, that was exactly what he was.
Up until Ella, he hadn’t cared about what the women he dated thought. They were all the same. They all wanted what he wanted—no attachments.
Ella wanted more, and she wanted it with him.
What was so hard about giving it to her?
He climbed into his truck and stared at the barn. If anything, it was a symbol of everything he’d done wrong in the last few months. Perhaps it would be best to cut his losses now and simply walk away before he made everything worse.
22
Ella
Ella knew it wasn’t a good idea, but she called off the crew and told them they’d regroup in a week or so. Thankfully, no one batted an eye. They gathered up their supplies and headed off the property.
She lingered outside, unwilling to force herself to go through the door that would lead to the space where her heart had been trapped.
Already she could hear that critical voice in her head telling her she was an idiot for allowing herself to fall for a guy like Lucas. Not only that, but she should have never allowed herself to fall for anyone, period.
Ella wasn’t a local anymore. Small towns like Copper Creek simply weren’t built for a person like her. There was too much judgment, and too many memories from her past. Sure, she might be clinging to some of those memories—clawing at them like they were a lifeline even, but it wasn’t all her fault.
She’d been the kind of person who would look at the people who allowed themselves to be dragged back into a hole they’d climbed their way out of, and she didn’t understand it. How could people be so short-sighted to land themselves right back where they started? She wasn’t like that. She refused to be that sort of person.
And yet… here she was.
The sun shone bright overhead. It was a clear day, not a cloud in sight. It was one of those days when she could have seen herself back in the saddle and going for a ride with Lucas by her side. They hadn’t gone riding since that day when he’d insisted on it.
At the time, she thought she’d be content if they never did that again. But the more time she’d spent with him, the more she craved the experience. There was something freeing about going riding, and while she never wanted to admit Lucas was right—with him gone, she could think just that.
Ella frowned, crossing her arms as she turned around and stared out at the property. She didn’t need Lucas to go riding. She could head out to any of the ranches that surrounded this one and ask the owner to let her take a tour of his property. Some of them might look at her funny, but there were probably a few of them who would enjoy the company.
She wasn’t dependent on Lucas if she decided to go for a horse ride.
She’d made it a point not to be dependent on anyone for anything. Not even her happiness. And that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. She didn’t need Lucas to be happy or to have confidence in herself. She was stubborn enough to gather all her confidence back and build herself up all on her own.
So why was it that her heart ached now more than ever?
Ella unfolded her arms and reached for the spot on her chest where her heart was. She clutched her shirt in her fist and heldit tight, but it did nothing to alleviate the pain she experienced. Lucas had gotten to her. She’d have to admit it one way or another.
Weak. That was what she’d been. Ella had allowed herself to fall for the fairytale that was the popular boy from high school. She’d permitted her heart to run away with the idea someone like Lucas could like her for who she was and not just for her appearance.
What had she been thinking?
Her chest shuddered and a tear dripped from her jaw. She blinked a few times and then brushed at the wet spot with the back of her hand. Ella was better than this. She didn’t need a guy to make her feel special. And she definitely didn’t need a guy who was so shallow he couldn’t see what he had right in front of his face.
If Lucas wanted to cling to the memories of his past and spend time with a person who was so far beneath him that he might as well be in purgatory, then so be it. She’d get this project completed, tell her father thanks for the opportunity to help his town be a little brighter, and head right back home.
Ella marched into the barn, gathered up the things she needed to take with her, and then headed for the door. Her eye caught on the bag—the sandwich that Lucas had brought. Her stomach growled, but she pushed out that empty feeling and strode right for her car. She needed to get her mind off of what had just happened. She didn’t care how far she had to go; she just needed to clear her head.
The country clubloomed in front of her. Ella could have melted into a puddle right there, but she was still being held together by that Thompson stubbornness.
Why did she drive to the country club? This place had to be even worse than the barn. The only other place that would come close to how this one made her feel would be Lucas’s own home.
