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Hayden's heart was beating hard against his chest, and there would be the occasional queasy feeling in his belly. He felt his fingers tingling, and his waist ached mildly. He didn't know why, but his nerves were almost aflame. What would happen if he was unable to beat him? What would be his fate if he was unable to beat Austin again? He knew that was a very stupid thing to hinge his pride on and could not help the fact that it was the only thing he could do now that would bring him back to the man that he was.
"I didn't think this would be the image where I would find you, but…" Ike said behind him, and Hayden was surprised to see his father standing there with a blank expression. Hayden knew well that the blank expression meant many things, and the man just stood there observing him calmly then he blew breath through puffed cheeks and sat down beside him, then shook his head.
"What are you doing, son?" He asked. Hayden could almost feel his father's disapproval, but the thing was that he didn't care what happened. None of that mattered in the face of what he had to do.
"I send you on a vacation, and what do you come here to do, eh?" Ike asked.
"I saw Austin when I arrived here, and I did the only thing there was to do," Hayden said. The words, he knew, would sound okay to his father, but they meant a lot to him in a way he didn't think anyone could understand. He felt his father's gaze on him, and he wasn't even looking.
"What is your obsession with this, son? What is it that you are worried about, to take it to this extent? When you saw Austin, the next line of action would have been to ignore him, but you did the exact opposite. That is not the way you should have gone about this matter, and the fact that you don't see that is alarming. What if you go down there and lose?" He asked.
"You think I will lose?" Hayden asked.
"I think it is a foolish gamble, meaningless even. I don't think there is any sense to it, and I think you should end this right now," he said.
"You don't understand," he said.
"You are the one who doesn't understand. Austin is not like you. He has nothing to lose, and he will throw every ounce of himself in there. That's what makes the both of you diff…"
Hayden snapped.
"This is the problem. You have always thought that he and his brothers were better than me. You have always shielded me from the things they did and reduced me in their eyes. You wanted to protect me as your son, but you let them walk into the fire with open arms. For many years all I could do was try to catch up, and they all stood and left for the army, so there was nothing to catch up to. You always treated me like I was somehow weaker and less than they are, and just when I thinkthat I have caught up, Austin hands me my ass in a parking lot. Do you understand how that feels? Has it ever happened to you?" He asked.
Ike stared at him in silence for a while, then he shook his head and stood.
"Is that what all this is about? Is that why you have resorted to this? I have never thought of you as less than them. You are my son, so it is only normal that I would treat you differently, but…"
"You favored me, and that…that made me soft. You held me back from doing the things they did. You had them learn everything the hard way, do everything the risky way, and you had to bring a world-class racer to teach me to ride and even kept a medic close. Wasn't that doting!" He asked Ike.
"Godammit. You are my son! You are the only child that I have, and I wasn't about to throw your life away just to prove a point, something that you seem very willing to do. Do you want to throw your life away? Is that what you are fixing to do at this time? Because I don't understand why you want to risk your life on this scale," Ike snapped.
"I want to do this to prove to myself that I am worthy of everything that I have been given and that I am my own man. Austin and the rest of them never had anyone to hold their hands. You held mine, and you gave me everything. I…have never truly been tested before, and that is what I want to do now," he said.
Ike gritted his teeth then his face tightened like he was undergoing some sort of physical pain. He shut his eyes and inhaled deeply.
"What is the matter with you? Don't you see? What you were given, many would kill for. What is it that you want? Why do you want to suffer? There is no shame in being given things. You just have to use the things that you were given, right," he said.
Hayden stared at his father and knew then that he would. It didn't matter. None of it did, and the best thing that he could do was to walk away. He turned and started leaving.
"Hayden," he called. Hayden stopped.
"Don't walk away from me," he said, his tone was very Icey. Hayden chuckled a Little and shook his head.
"You, see? You would never have been able to say that to Austin," he said and continued walking. He would do this, and he would earn his respect and prove to himself that he was indeed enough.
†
Austin dropped the phone and took out a sketchpad, then started sketching the landscape before him. He sketched for a while and started to lose himself in the charcoal when he felt a shadow fall over his sketchpad, and he looked up with an audible sigh.
"What?" He asked.
"Do you hate my company that much?" She asked.
"Oh, your company. I don't hate it. I think it is the best thing in the world. I think your company is something everyone would want to bleed for. A minute in your presence is like an eternity in heaven," he said, and she rolled her eyes then sat down beside him.
"What is that you're doing?"
"Are you comfortable here? Are you comfortable under the elements? Isn't this a little bit too bare in comparison to what you are used to? The offices and the walls and concrete? The steel buildings that cut you off from nature? He asked.
