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"I don't know about that. You're one of the most bullshit-proof people I've met," she said and he laughed a little then nodded.
"Yes, that is indeed true so are you going to tell me?" He asked. There was something serious about the way he asked it. There was no flippancy to his manner, and she knew that, for some reason, he was serious.
"I had someone I was pretty close to. Someone I really…I really cared about. No, someone I loved and things didn't go the way I hoped they'd go and I ended up pretty hurt. I didn't know what to do so…riding has always been the one thing that cleared my head so I got a little caught up in it and I suddenly didn't know where I was again," she said.
"I'm guessing you didn't trust the horse," he said and she looked at him, not understanding what he meant.
"What are you saying?" She said to him.
"That was how I found my way home most of the time. I trusted the horse to know the way home and I let it guide me. My father taught me that. He said the horse always knows the way home. When he died I…I also rode out like you did and got properly lost. Even that one took the horse a while to figure out," he said with a soft chuckle.
"I'm sorry for your loss," she said as she saw the sadness come into his eyes, making him seem intimidating for some reason and she caught a glimpse of how terrifying he must look when he's angry and he did seem to be a Little angry. I didn't think his father died of natural causes but that was something I didn't think would be appropriate to ask.
"This person you speak of. He was a lover?" He asked.
"Yes, yes he was," I said without even thinking of the answer. He nodded.
"The thing about loving someone is that a part of you gets embedded in them and when they go, they take that part, a part you can never regain no matter how you try, and you have to force yourself to continue living without that piece of you and the truth is that it is hard. It is more difficult than anything, but you eventually learn to do it and you get used to it," he said and stared off into the distance for a while. The fire played with his face, shadows making it seem like he was some ethereal entity then he looked at me and smiled. It appeared stiff and weary, making me wonder how someone like this was able to create an air of unaffected, almost arrogant calmness.
"Have you learned how to live with it?" She asked him and he seemed to think about that for a moment then he shrugged.
"I thought I did but I don't think I have. Not yet anyway," he said to me and leaned against the tree then took off his hat and placed it in his lap.
"Then how can you be so sure that it'll work for me? How can you be sure that I'll…get used to it and learn how to live with it?" She asked him and he shrugged.
"Truth is that I don't know. I'm not sure about it but I know that we can hope, and hope is a very strong force. Don't scoff at it," he said to her. Lee thought about it and felt warm within me. It was soothing to know that she wasn't alone, that she wasn't the only one who felt this way, this wretched emptiness that tugged within her and made the whole world a little less colorful.
"Thank you," I said. He looked at me and reached out to tip his hat then realized it wasn't there and ended up smiling.
"Get some sleep," he said. She nodded and rested her head on the saddle. There was a chill, but it didn't bother her much. Lee just lay down and thought about hope and the experience of riding for two days.
CHAPTER THREE
Austin was already awake by the time she opened her eyes the next morning. Her entire body ached and felt like it would fall apart if she tried to stand. He was already awake and she suspected that he didn't even sleep. There was a tight look on his face that she didn't notice before, like he was worried about something. Immediately he saw she was awake, his face melted into brightness, the one she was used to and it appeared like he didn't even know what worry was.
"Aha, she's awake!" He announced then walked up to me
"How are you feeling?" He asked. I was shy about speaking, self-conscious about the high probability that my breath stank. She could smell herself and wondered if he could perceive it as well. He wasn't made up of flowers and sunshine himself but he was a lot fresher than she was and she felt shy talking to or even looking at him. He narrowed his gaze at her then seemed to understand and he shook his head.
"I stink too if that helps. I would have said you should wash up in the lake but the thing is that we don't have any time to lose so I need you to mount your horse so we can get out of here," he said and she nodded. There was an urgency to him that she knew she shouldn't argue with.
She watched Austin as he packed up and she couldn't help but think that he was an entirely different person from the person she had spoken to the night before. His face was tighter and there was darkness in his eyes that made her uncomfortable. She wondered what it was that could fluster a man such as himself to this extent, but she guessed that asking wouldn't exactly be the wise thing to do at the moment.
Lenanee noticed that it was only when they had started riding did he start to feel a little more relaxed then he looked at her with a calmer expression.
"Won't be long now," he said, and she nodded. She wanted to ask him what he seemed to be running from, but she kept quiet as they rode with the sound of the breeze in the brushes and clear plains stretched out before them. There were hills in the distance that she recognized and immediately, her eyes lit up.
"I know those hills. Used to hike on them with...” she stopped and nodded, swallowing the rest of what she wanted to say.
"Yeah, I used to hike on them as well with my father," he said and this time the look on his face wasn't sad. She did notice that he turned back often and clicked his teeth then turned back to the road like he was expecting something to come after him. Lee couldn't take it anymore.
"Austin?" She called and he looked at her.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"What is the matter? Are you in trouble or something? You keep looking back like you expect someone or something to be following you," she asked him and he shrugged.
"You can never be too careful. I mean the last thing I'd want is to get shot in the back by some scoundrel. In these parts, there is Little law," he said. Lee looked at him and got the feeling that he was not telling her the entire truth.
