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I don’t even think. I just act. I strip out of my clothes and get in the shower with him. I reach out to touch his back, untouched by ink, but I hesitate.
“Are you okay?” I ask, my chest tightening.
“No,” he admits in a broken whisper, his voice shaking like he’s holding in tears.
“Xander, what’s wrong?” I ask as I gently press my hand against his shoulder, but he shudders under my touch. “Did something else happen?” My question hangs in the air so long I think he won’t answer, but then his shaking gets worse.
“No.”
“Why are you shaking?” He’s always so strong, looking like an unstoppable Titan, but right now, he’s brittle, nearly broken, and I don’t know what to do.
“I don’t know.” Then, for the first time I can ever recall, I hear a sound I will never forget as long as I live. My heart seizes as I wrap myself around him, the sound getting louder.
Xander is…crying, unable to hold himself together in his fragile state.
Then, it hits me. Xander wasforcedto have sex with Gillian. He didn’t want to and he saw no way out of it. Sex under duress isn’t sex at all. It’s rape.
Xander isn’t just a protector anymore. He’s also a victim.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Weeks ago, Gillian talked about the two sides of the coin and I didn’t fully understand until now. I saw the change in Xander, the shift not only in his demeanor, but his energy. An extra darkness is now present and he doesn’t know what to do with it, or how to control his emotions about it.
I figure he might pull my arms off of him, but he clings to my touch as the tears continue to flow, breath after breath. We’re still locked in our embrace when the water turns ice cold, but I refuse to leave him like this and he’s unmoved, still breaking in my arms.
I don’t know how to help him, but I do the one thing I used to do for my sister when we were teenagers and one of her boyfriends broke her heart.
I sing a very soft, gentle song that won’t disturb him too much. The words ofLocksmithfall so naturally off my tongue, I barely notice him calming under my touch and my voice. The thing that breaks me from my song is Xander switching off the water. He’s shivering from the temperature of the water trailing down our bodies before he turns to me. I can’t tell which drops on his face are tears and which are actually water, but either way, he looks tragically beautiful. So dang real it hurts.
“I’ve never heard you sing before.” He breaks the silence, cracking the smallest smile I’ve ever seen on him. It’s only mildly fake as he takes my arms and loops them around his neck, making sure I know it’s okay. He kisses my forehead and trails his lips from my brow to my temple and down to my ear.
“I save it for special occasions,” I respond playfully as his arms wind around my waist, tugging me against his body.
His lips continue their path to my throat before back up to the sweet spot behind my ear and my knees buckle. He knows that spot does something crazy to me, especially when his beard teases it.
“It’s beautiful,” he whispers in my ear like a sacred prayer before nuzzling my neck. “Your voice…it’s like an angel.” My heart flutters as I cling to him.
No one has ever remarked on my voice at all anytime I’ve sang, not even my little brother. He would just smile, but Xander tells me exactly what he thinks.
“Are you ready to go to bed?” I ask, trailing my fingers down the back of his neck, and along the length of his spine as he pulls back to gaze into my eyes.
“I have absolutely no energy,” he explains before tugging me into him, pressing his chin into the crown of my head.
I know what he’s telling me, but I think it goes without saying that sex is not on the menu tonight. I would never push him on that anyway.
“That’s up to you. However long you need,” I say, but he pulls back and gives me an amazed look. “What?”
“You’re incredible. You know that, right?” He doesn’t give me the chance to answer before his lips crash against mine and he drags me up his body, wrapping my legs around his waist. He kisses me like he can’t decide if he wants to devour me or leave me begging for more.
He carries me out of the shower to our bed and tucks us into bed, not removing himself from me as he keeps kissing me, switching from kissing up and down my neck to stealing my lips.
I’m not complaining at all. Even if he didn’t want to touch me for weeks, I’d be okay with that, as long as he is feeling better and doesn’t hurt like he did in the shower.
* * *
In the morningafter Xander leaves for work, I feel a little bad for my decision to kick Gillian out, but I’m not backing out. Things weren’t so bad until she showed up. I understand that they were in a bad situation, but my sister’s behavior and demeanor showed she truly didn’t give a shit how bad she hurt me.
I stay in my room until I hear the front door close, letting me know that my sister has left. I don’t know if she left for good or if she just went to the store. I’m betting she won’t leave for good until she gets a chance to talk to me. She’s notorious for pulling that shit.
