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I was trapped.
“Stop bullying me!” I shrieked.
And at that, Xavier stood up straight, looking for all the world like he’d just stuck his fingers in an electrical outlet. “You think I bully you?”
“I think you bully everyone,” I said bitterly.
“I don’t—”
“Youdo,” I interrupted. “I’m a third-grade teacher, Xavi. You don’t think I know a bully when I see one?”
I shook my head with realization. As soon as the words came out, I realized I’d known this all along but had shoved it under the carpet, time and time again.
“Bullies are kids who hurt people because someone hurt them,” I told him as I splayed my fingers across the counter. “Someone taught them long ago that their feelings didn’t matter, so they don’t know how to access them. They shove them deep down, sometimes to the point where they don’t even know they have them anymore. But they’re still hurt. They’re scared. And the only way they know how to feel better is to hurt someone else in return.”
Xavier continued to stare at me like he was punch-drunk. “And you think Ihurtto feel better?”
I shrugged. “Sometimes. I think you dominate me. Especially with sex. At the polo club. Behind your restaurant.”
“I thought you liked it when I took you like that.”
I chewed on my lip, trying to understand as much as he was. “I like knowing you can’t wait to have me.”
Satisfaction settled over his carved features, but I went on before he could say anything.
“Those times weren’t about me, though,” I continued. “They were about control. They were about asserting yourself when I presented a challenge. You felt vulnerable. Angry, yes, but mostly vulnerable. And fu-fucking me makes you feel strong. Doesn’t it?”
He swallowed thickly, conviction erased. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
Finally, he backed away from the counters, leaving me ample space to slip out. I did, but paused near the end, looking back at him. His shoulders were hunched, and he was clearly processing what I’d said in a way that was quite painful.
“Xavi,” I said.
He looked up.
“Please consider it,” I told him. “For your sake, but also Sofia’s. Kids who grow up seeing that, Xavi…it’s what they expect for themselves.”
It was as if I’d delivered the final blow to knock him out. He sank to a stool at the counter, head in hands.
“All right, then,” he murmured. “I guess I should let you…go.”
Heart breaking, I took that as my leave to return to the bedroom to pack…or figure out what else I could do.
Because really, what was I saying?
That I wanted a life without Xavier Parker in it?
That I wanted Sofia to live without her daddy too?
I hadn’t taken ten steps before turning around once more, feeling more confused than ever but knowing one thing for sure. I didn’t want things to end like this.
“Xavi,” I called as I walked back into the living room. “Xavi, wait.”
I didn’t need to say anything. He had gotten up only to move to the couch, where he had collapsed on the white leather, head in his hands, while his cell phone sat on the table in front of him.
A message was still visible on the front as I approached.
Georgina: We’re needed in Kendal. Henry’s had another stroke. In a coma. Doctor says he may not have long.
