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“For what it’s worth, I really do love your nephew,” I said softly. “More than maybe I’ve ever loved anyone, except my own daughter. I don’t think he understands that, but it’s true. And I—” I fell forward, rubbing my face. “The thing is, I don’t care if he’s a duke or anything. Honestly, I think I might like him better if he weren’t. The pressure of this place, this world, it just kills him. But I don’t know if he sees that either.”
I swiped sudden tears from the corners of my eyes. Lord, this was getting personal, wasn’t it?
“But I think he’s chasing something,” I continued in a creaky voice. “Your approval, maybe. Or his dad’s, even if he’s dead. I know what that’s like. My dad died when I was little. I barely knew him, but I still think that if you weren’t enough for your parents when they were alive, you’ll never be enough when they’re dead. But Xavier’s enough on his own. He really is. And maybe if he figured that out, all the other stuff would go away. His temper, the secrets, the fighting.” I sighed. “Maybe he’d smile more than frown. Maybe he’d actually let someone love him back.”
I pulled my hand into my lap. God, I wished that were true. If it was, maybe I could stay. Maybe I could help Xavier heal in a way he didn’t even realize he could.
“Anyway, thanks for talking,” I told Henry Parker. “And if you do wake up, please watch out for your nephew. He loves you. Just like I love him.”
I sighed, then touched my lips and pressed my fingers to the back of the man’s hand as a kiss. After, I stood and found Xavier watching me from the doorway with a heartbreaking tenderness in those big blue eyes.
“Er—hello,” I said, tugging nervously on my skirt.
“Hey, Ces,” he greeted me softly as he entered the room.
“How—how long have you been there?” Had he heard my entire confession? If so, what was he thinking?
“Just a few moments. Long enough to hear that you still love me.” He glanced at his uncle. “See, I told you, Hal, you don’t have a chance with this one.”
It wasn’t, I noted, exactly the same admonishment he’d given him before. Not “she’s mine,” but more “don’t even try.”
I wasn’t sure what to think of it.
“I was glad to hear it,” Xavier told me softly. Then, before I could answer, “Do you mind leaving us for a bit? I’ve some things to say to him myself.”
I nodded and stepped aside so he could have his time.
“And, Ces?” He grabbed my hand before I was out of reach.
Electricity jolted through me, warming my face.
“Yes?”
“Don’t go far,” Xavier said. “Please. I’ve some things to say to you, too.”
TWENTY-SIX
Iwaited for a minute or two outside the door but then felt like an unconscionable lurker, so I decided now was a good time to take a walk in the gardens while Xavier said his peace with Henry. I let the butler know where I was going in case Xavier tried to find me, then went outside in search of Sofia, who had undoubtedly dragged Miriam up to the stable to feed the horses and the sheep. I ended up getting lost within a maze of topiaries and carefully pruned hedges that made me feel like I was in a Lewis Carroll novel. Good lord, where was I supposed to go now?
“‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’” I murmured with a smile to myself, quoting the Cheshire cat as I sank down on a bench. “Where is that, though?”
“Need some help?”
I turned to find Frederick rounding a corner.
“Oh,” I said. “Maybe. I came out looking for Sofia.”
“I believe I saw her towing Miriam in the direction of the pastures,” Frederick said with a small smile. “Looking for sheep. Then they planned to come back to hunt for gnomes in the garden.”
I nodded. “Sounds like her. I’ll just wait here, then.”
“May I join you?”
Surprised, I moved over on my bench so Frederick could take a seat. We sat there for a bit, taking in the view of the gardens before he spoke all at once.
“For what it’s worth,” he said. “I think you’re good for him. My brother, I mean.”
I perked. I hadn’t heard Frederick talk about Xavier before, though being this much younger than him, it made sense he would think of him more like a brother than simply “step” brother.
