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Xavier took a step forward and captured my hand with his. “So, it’s true, then?”
I blinked down at my hand, engulfed by his broad, warm palm. “I—”
“We’re going to have another baby?”
I looked up, and the vulnerability I saw in his sapphire eyes nearly sent me to my knees. Was it possible hewasn’tangry?
I knew that expression well. It was the same one I’d seen in the mirror both times I ended up with a positive pregnancy test. The same one that haunted me whenever I got a call from Sofia’s school or heard thatparticularscream when she scraped her knee.
Pure. Parental. Terror.
Honestly. You don’t really know the meaning of fear until you love someone more than you love yourself. Parenthood is like walking a bridge without a guardrail. You’re always a little bit certain someone might fall to their death.
“Yes,” I said quietly, squeezing his hand, if only to let him know he wasn’t alone in that feeling. “Yes, I’m pregnant.”
His eyes flew over me, a man taking stock. “You know, I think I can see it.”
I yanked my hand away. “You cannot. I’m only eight weeks along. Not showing at all.”
Xavier’s wide mouth curved into that wicked smirk I loved so much. “Maybe not to other people. ButIknow that body, Ces.”
Ihatedthe way my skin warmed at the reminder. As if said body knew that to be true, even if I mentally insisted it was not.
“It’s different,” Xavier continued. “Your cheeks are fuller, a bit more pink in the apples. Curves just a bit more distinct, ’specially round the backside.”
“You cannot possibly see that in a dress,” I argued, though I was already twirling around like a puppy chasing its tail to see if I could spot the difference he mentioned.
“And your breasts, babe. Come on. Obviously I’d notice when they’rethatbig.” Xavier chewed on his lower lip appreciatively in a way that made my stomach flip. “All in all, you look like an impossibly ripe peach, ready to be picked from the tree.”
His eyes drifted over each body part as he spoke, and by the time he was finished, goose bumps covered my skin. There was no hint of nausea anymore, just the distant taste of peach juice in the back of my mouth. And a distinct desire to be plucked, as promised.
Dammit. Yes,thatwas another pregnancy side effect I was really hoping to skip this time around. With Sofia, I had worn outtwovibrators for want of a partner. One partner in particular, who was standing in front of me, looking like I was something he wanted to eat.
Oh,lord.
Xavier blinked, and when his gaze met mine again, his desire vanished, replaced by concern.
My heart gave a strong thump. When I’d sent that email, it was only out of the desperate knowledge that this time, I couldn’t make the same mistake. I might have been angry at Xavier, but I wasn’t going to rob him of his child’s birth all over again. Nor could I rob this child of their father. Not when I knew what a wonderful one he could really be.
“So…what now?” I asked. “I know it’s not exactly convenient. Especially after how we left things in Kendal.”
“You mean afteryouleft things in Kendal.”
Something flashed in his eyes, and it was clear Xavier’s famous temper wanted to rear its ugly head. Yell, insult, maybe break something while he did it. It was a good reminder that his poor time management and wandering lips weren’t the only reasons I was better off without him.
Besides, we’d done enough fighting after I’d returned to New York in August. Shouted at each other from across the Atlantic and traded angry texts while Sofia slept. I’d thought initially—maybe even hoped—that he would have gotten on a plane to follow us. But things with his family were too difficult. And now that his uncle had finally passed, I couldn’t imagine they were any easier. Xavier was basically a lone mouse in a pit full of snakes.
And so, eventually, the shouting had stopped. We’d come to an uneasy ceasefire, if not full acceptance.
“I might regret a lot of things when it comes to us, Ces,” Xavier said heavily. “But I could never regret our children.”
Again, my heart squeezed when he said “children.” As in, not just the one, but both, including the little cluster of cells multiplying inside me. Xavier felt the same way I did, that already this little being was a part of our family.
It gave me no end of relief.
“Anyway, we can grapple through what you did when you come back.”
My brows flew up. “Come back?”
