AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“If that’s really what you think is best.” He shook his head, the damp hair fluttering back and forth. “God knows I can’t figure it the fuck out.”
“I—it is.”
It had to be.
Xavier sighed long and low from the back of his throat, like a lion. “I suppose that’s that.” He stood suddenly, taking his jacket with him. “Can you get my clothes from the dryer? I don’t care if they’re done. I’d rather not stay.”
Numbly, I nodded, then went downstairs to fetch his things. He pulled on his half-dry things while I brought the dishes to the sink. When I came back, he was dressed, already moving to the door to find his wet shoes. Every movement was settled, but sad, like a dog that had just been beaten in a race.
Every inch of me wanted to embrace him. Pull him back to me.
But I’d made my decision.
He stopped at the bottom of the stoop when I walked him outside. “When’s your next scan? I’d like to be there.”
I blinked. “You want to go to the doctor with me?”
He just nodded solemnly. “I’m not missing a thing this time, Ces. Can I come?”
Maybe I should have said no. I could have said the doctor was a safe place for me, and I didn’t need him there.
But I’d already shut him down enough tonight. I couldn’t inflict that sadness in his big eyes anymore.
I nodded. “Two weeks. I’ll send you the information.”
He reached out and took my left hand in his, rubbing a thumb over my knuckles. It lingered over the empty ring finger. “I—I don’t want to get lawyers involved, but I think we should make an agreement. For Sofia. And the little one, when it arrives.” He nodded toward my stomach. “I think moving forward…we should have it all down. In writing. Solid, you know?”
I gulped. It was scary, maybe. But nothing he was saying sounded like a threat. “All—all right.”
He nodded again. “Okay. We’ll talk in two weeks, then.” His half-smile, so forlorn, nearly broke my heart in two.
“‘When pain is over, the remembrance of it often becomes a pleasure,’” I muttered to myself.
“What’s that from, then?”
I jerked, realizing I’d spoken my thought aloud.
Xavier was peering down at me, curiosity blended now with a sad, sweet almost smile. “Who are you now, babe? I know that look.”
I swallowed tightly. Oh, God, this hurt.
But there was no use lying to him. There never had been.
“Anne Elliot,” I said. “She’s the main character inPersuasion.”
“Saying goodbye to her love?” he ventured.
It was meant as a joke, but he had no idea. That was essentially the whole plot of the book—saying goodbye and the torment it caused.
I flushed, blinking hard so I could see. “In a manner of speaking,” I admitted.
Xavier’s half-smile grew even more lopsided. “Does he ever say anything back?”
I sighed. “Xavi…”
“If it helps you, maybe it would help me too.”
I sighed, then finally recalled what was probably the most famous line fromPersuasion—a sentence written in a letter when Captain Wentworth confesses how he feels at last.
