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“Oh,fuck,” I gasped, unable to help the uncharacteristic profanity or the fact that the wind had picked up suddenly off the East River enough to yank the stack of bills from my fingers and scatter them all over the steps. “Oh, dammit!”
For some reason, the accident was enough to make me cry. The cherry on top of this horrible, horrible sundae.
“I’ve got it,” Xavier said, jumping into action as he gathered the mail off the ground and set it on the front step under a rock to keep it in place. “See, got it all. No harm, babe. Ah, fuck.”
Now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop crying. Everything just seemed liketoo much. There was a new baby coming, on top of so much loss. My brother was gone. My job was no more. Even Pete was leaving. And then, of course, I’d lost Xavier.
The love of my life.
“It’s okay,” Xavier said, gathering me against his chest. “It’s okay, babe. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know.”
“Am I?” I whimpered into his chest. “God, am I strong at all? Sometimes I feel like the weakest person on the planet.”
A large hand gently stroked my hair, petting away the fear and the torment. “We all feel that way sometimes. But you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
I sniffed back another sob. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do. Look at what you went through as a kid, losing your parents and what. And then your grandfather. Growing up in that house with all those kids and still becoming as bloody smart as you are. Taking care of Sof all by yourself, raising the most perfect little girl on the planet.”
I giggled through another sob against his chest, trying to ignore the way I basked in his warm, fresh scent. “I think you’re a little biased on that count. She has half your genetics.”
“Never. And when I think of how you endured this summer—the way you took everything that was thrown at you like a pro, barely even flinching every time some new surprise tried to knock you down.” Xavier shook his head, chin moving against the crown of my head. “I didn’t appreciate it. I was too sucked into my own fears and grief to see it then, but I see it now. You’re a brick, babe. Resilient and strong and kind and loving. More than you’ll ever know.”
I couldn’t come up with a single retort. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
“It’s okay,” he said as he rocked me gently there on my doorstep. “You can break with me.”
Gradually, my tears ceased, though I allowed him to hold me for a few more moments until I finally pulled away.
Xavier’s hands lingered on my shoulders as he examined me up and down. “All right?”
I nodded, wiping the remnants of tears out of my eyes. “All right.”
“Good.” Then his gaze jumped over my shoulder toward a letter he’d missed on the ground. “What’s that?”
I turned as he walked around me and picked up the envelope, which was scrawled with jagged handwritten letters. Not quite a child’s, but not quite an adult’s either.
“Weird,” I said as I opened it up on the spot.
Then I read the note inside and thought I might faint all over again.
Xavier grabbed it from me and read it aloud:
Frankie-
He isn’t what he seems.
Get rid of him before I get rid of you.
He looked up again just as I was peering into the envelope, where a bunch of something that looked disturbingly like ashes lay at the bottom. He looked inside, then snatched it away.
“What are you doing?” I demanded, even as he whipped a crumpled paper bag out of his pocket and stuffed the envelope and letter inside.
“You don’t know what that is,” he said. “It could be anthrax.”
“It’s just a letter—”
“From a fucking stalker!” Xavier practically exploded, although he managed to get his murderous expression under control before turning back to me.
