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Fate certainly had a funny sense of humor. Stupid cow.
This time, however, the father knew. He just hadn’t said a word. And it was killing me anyway, as if he’d never known in the first place.
“Everyone’s going to flip when you tell them,” Kate remarked.
I looked at her. “Why do you think I want you to be quiet? I’m not really interested in every Zola on the continent gossiping about how I’m going to hell while my brother is basking in marital bliss.”
She blinked like she was surprised just imagining it. “I don’t mean like that. We all know you’re a good person, babe, not to mention a killer mom. I just mean, they are going to flip the fuck out at Xavier. Mattie’s probably going to fly to England to kick that posh Brit’s ass. Joni will post all about him on social media, which you know will blow up. And since the press over there seems to think you two are a tasty treat, I’m sure you’ll have them at your door in no time, which means—”
“Which means you and everyone else need to keep your mouths shut,” I said sharply. “And not say anything before the wedding is over. I’m not kidding, Katie. Shut it.”
She mimed zipping her mouth with a lock and throwing away the key. I quieted with her. Kate was the one Zola kid I knew could keep a secret. With the others, I might as well just send a press release to theNew York Post. When Nonna found out, she’d be dragging me to confession for days.
Kate looked down at my hand resting on my belly. “I assume you’re keeping it. Again, I mean.”
I gave her a look. “Are you really asking me that?”
“How can I not? Don’t get me wrong, Frankie. A woman’s got a right to choose and all that. Of course. But can we take a second to really think about this choice? Raising Sofia on your own has been hard enough. You’re a third-grade teacher who’s been broke all her life and sleeps in a stairwell. I know Mattie gave you the house, but what are you going to do to support two kids alone? How are you going to take care of yourself?”
“It will be different this time,” I replied stubbornly. “For one, I’mnotdoing it completely alone.”
“I thought you said he hasn’t responded.”
I sulked at my hands. “He hasn’t. Yet.”
“So how do you know he will?”
My scowl literally hurt my face, it ran so deep. “I just…do.”
Kate did not appear convinced. I wish I could say I was.
“Mattie’s gone,” she reiterated. “And I know I’m not moving to Brooklyn. I love you, but I can’t. Marie’s in Paris, Lea’s got her own henhouse to attend to. So that leaves, what, Joni? You want ADHD Tinker Bell taking care of your littles?”
I just sighed. She was right. I knew she was right. With Xavier living in the UK, it wasn’t like we’d be able to trade custody nights or anything like that. If he ever did respond to my letter, the most he was probably going to do would be to send some money. Not unhelpful. But not the same as actually being around.
“I’ve thought about it,” I admitted. “A lot. But here’s the deal: I always wanted a family. A sister or brother for Sofia. Maybe not this way, but it seems to be what fate has in store. Better my kids have the same father than get pulled between three different households, you know?”
I sighed, shoving a hand into my hair, which was already noticeably thicker. One of the lesser benefits of pregnancy, I supposed.
“Besides, this time Xavier knows,” I insisted. “Or will know. Or something. We might not have worked out, but he’s not a deadbeat dad. Once he gets his head around this little surprise, he’ll support his kids. We won’t be destitute. Not even close.”
“I sure as shit hope not. The guy has more money than God.” Kate looked at me for a long time and tapped her fingers on her knee. “What about your heart, though? Is that going to be destitute?”
That part I didn’t like thinking about. “Maybe I’m not destined for some great love affair, Katie. Most people never get a happily ever after, and that’s okay, you know? I may not be someone’s perfect match, but I can be a great mom. I can have a family on my own terms, this time. Maybe that’s good enough.”
We watched each other in the mirror for a few minutes, our twin green eyes and dark hair speaking to the generations of other Zola sisters who had come before us, maybe not even that far from where we were sitting.
They’d gotten through times like these.
So would I.
Kate pursed her red-stained lips and sighed. “Okay. But when we get home, you have to spill the beans to everyone. You might be living on your own, but you still have your family to support you. We can, I don’t know, get a babysitting train going or something. I could give you a few Friday nights a month so you can do a yoga class. Or get laid.”
“You’re the best,” I told her honestly. “I don’t know what I would do without any of you.”
I pulled her into a tight embrace, but just as we released, the bathroom door opened, and Marie and Joni came bouncing in. It was quite a feat, considering Joni was on crutches after having surgery to fix a knee injury. It had been almost two months since Marie had left for culinary school in Paris, but they were as inexplicably inseparable and as different as ever. Even in their choice of dresses—Marie wore a plain blue frock that brushed her toes and completely covered her arms and shoulders, while Joni’s bright pink confection pushed the limits on what was socially appropriate with a neckline cut halfway to her navel and a lace skirt that barely covered her butt.
“What did we miss?” Marie asked, looking between the two of us as she pushed her glasses up her nose.
