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"Indulging your inner child?" I asked as I hopped on it and swayed back and forth.
It was the kind of swing any kid would have dreamed of. As a city kid myself, I had often imagined living in rural place like this, with a swing of my own from this kind of tree. I closed my eyes in the sunlight shining through the leaves.
"Or one I might have one day."
My stomach dropped with his words. The slight squeak of the swing's chain fill the sudden silence.
"I think about it with you." Brandon came to stand in front of me, letting the swing come to a stop against his thighs. He held the chains that anchored the tire in each of his hands. "Do you ever think about it with me?"
I gulped. He was watching me very carefully, and I prayed the sudden guilt that had bloomed in my belly wasn't written all over my face––or at least that Brandon wouldn’t be able to read it as clearly as he could normally. I forced myself to inhale and exhale. Brandon cocked his head.
"Too much?" he asked. He shook his head with a bitter laugh and rubbed his chin. "Of course it's too much. We just got back together a few weeks ago." He gave a sardonic smile. "'Too much' is my middle name, isn't it?"
The disappointment and obvious sadness on his face broke my heart.
"No," I said forcefully.
I slid off the swing, and pulled him close to me by his shirt, standing on my tiptoes so I could wrap my arms around his head.
"I think about it too," I said, hoping our faces were close enough that he wouldn't be able to see all of the conflicting emotions I felt. "I think about it all the time."
"Yeah?" Brandon looked out meditatively over the blue water. A few seagulls cried out in the distance. "Sometimes I think it's crazy. What would I know about being a dad? I have absolutely nothing in the way of model. My father's still in jail for one of his many crimes, and Ray, well, you've met him."
He bit his lip, and my heart practically cracked in half.
"Hey." I picked up his hand and brought it to my lips. "You don't need models. Look at you. You are one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever met. Brandon, you'd be a wonderful father, I know it."
Even as I said the words, my heart physically throbbed. He would be a wonderful father one day. And in another life, he might have been on his way by now.
Blue eyes or green? Now was the time to tell him. We were alone, there was nowhere to run, no one to interrupt us.
"Brandon, I need to tell you something," I said, feeling sick even as I said the words.
Brandon looked down at me, eyes gray-blue and broody, but...maybe not surprised. "What's that?"
Do it, you coward! My conscience screamed at me, sounding irritatingly like Jane. I opened my mouth, but when I caught his wide blue gaze, nothing came out. I choked.
"Last May..." I tried again.
Brandon's brows quirked in confusion. "Yeah?"
I shut my mouth, then opened it again. "I was so...I was...miserable. Without you. I just realized...Brandon, I just love you. So, so much."
Chicken. No, I was going to do this. I had to.
But before I could speak again, Brandon swept me off the ground and sat us down in a surprisingly smooth motion, pulled me on top of his lap so that my knees straddled his hips. His hands settled on my waist, thumbs stroking lightly over the thin fabric of my cotton dress.
"Are you trying to fix me again, Skylar?" he asked in a low voice, echoing the same question he had said just after the first time he'd brought me to meet Ray.
I'd given him praise then too. The question had let to our frantic first coupling in the stairwell of the MIT electrical engineering building, a forceful condemnation of any suggestion of charity. In his own way, Brandon was even worse than I was at taking compliments or gifts. This time, however, I wasn't afraid to say how much I felt for him. I could at least be honest about that.
I cupped his face gently, gazing into the blue eyes that were subtly riddled with a life of pain that Brandon worked so hard to overcome.
"Aren't you trying to fix me too?" I asked softly, running my thumbs over his cheekbones. "Aren't we trying to fix each other?"
Brandon gazed, blue eyes unblinking, his jaw set tight. He took a deep breath, then exhaled slightly. His hands rose up my back, and he pulled me in for a kiss that started slowly, then quickly grew into something much more passionate.
"Yes," he said hoarsely as he tried to get closer. "Yes, we are."
