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The thought made me tense. I saw the look on Miranda's face when she'd walked in on Brandon and me. It hadn't been the face of someone who had been separated for three years. It had been the face of someone, as Ray put it, who "wasn't having it."
"Are you stuck between us?" I wondered.
Brandon reached into my lap and picked up my hand, then kissed it lightly across the knuckles. He sighed, and the tiny lines around his eyes crinkled.
"I don't want to be." He turned to me then with a solemn expression. "We'll get through it."
I didn't say anything. I still felt somewhat shell-shocked. To be truthful, I often felt that way around Brandon, someone who had the gravity of the sun. But I didn't know how to take all of this. Increasingly it was looking like our relationship was going to be more of an inconvenience than anything else. What kind of political candidate would run for office fresh off a divorce and with a twenty-something girlfriend?
"Skylar," Brandon interrupting my ruminating. "I meant what I said in there. I won't do this without you."
I sat still. I had so many questions, but none of which I was ready to say. What did this mean for us? Would he have to keep me a secret even longer? How would it work if we ended up together for an even longer time...even (and I wasn't ready to consider it yet) marriage? And then there was the matter of my visit to the clinic only a month before...would anyone find out?
"Will I have to give up my career?" I asked finally.
It seemed like the most important point. I had absolutely no desire to be a housewife-turned-politician's wife, dedicated to making babies in order to fulfill the average voter's fantasy of the American nuclear family. That wasn't why I went to law school.
Brandon snorted. "Absolutely not. It's not like Michelle Obama stopped working when her husband ran for office. Hell, by most accounts she was a better lawyer than he was."
"She had to eventually," I pointed out. "She had to be 'mom in chief' when he became president."
The blood drained from my face as I imagined myself chasing kids around the White House, having to watch my speech all the time and constantly have my picture taken.
Brandon tipped his head, then turned to face me. "Listen to me," he said. "I will not do this if you don't want me to, Red. Absolutely not."
"But you want to do it." It wasn't a question.
Brandon shrugged. "I'm intrigued. As much as I hate to admit it, I think Ray sometimes has a point. I could be using my life for something more important. Maybe this is it."
I understood the feeling. I had left a burgeoning career on Wall Street to attend law school in the first place. I still wasn't a hundred percent sure what I wanted to do with my new degree, but passing the bar and keeping my dad out of trouble was a first step. After that...well, I had some other decisions to make.
"I just need time to think about it some more," I said finally.
I turned away and pressed my face against the cold glass of the window. Cambridge flew by as the car wound through the back streets to Boston proper. Beside me, Brandon kept hold of my hand, pressing his fingers into the pads of my palm meditatively.
"All I want is you, Red."
I turned back to find Brandon watching me, blue eyes full of concern. And full of love. The numbness in my heart that had been there since he'd made his massive announcement started to dissolve.
"Do you believe me when I say that?" he asked, reaching his other hand out to cup my cheek.
Instinctually, I leaned into it, closing my eyes as I basked in the feel of his warm palm on my skin. This part was the easy part. When it was just us, skin to skin, face to face. He was so easy to love, and I was learning to accept the fact that he loved me too.
"Yes," I said, without a doubt. "I do." It was just all the other stuff that was so difficult to figure out.
Brandon relaxed, and pulled me into his side so he could cradle me into his chest and stroke my hair.
"Good," he said. Then after a few more seconds, for the second time that night: "Fuck it."
He pulled out his phone and opened the Uber app. He typed in a difference address, then looked to the driver.
"Change of plans, my friend. I've got a new address for you."
~
