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Under the critical eyes of Brandon's foster parents, coming clean about my contributions to Brandon's anxiety was the hardest thing I had ever done. But by the end, I was relieved. I wanted to help unite this family, and I could never hope to be a part of it if I wasn't honest about who I really was.
By the end, Ray sat there, clearly dumbfounded, and Susan had tears streaming down her face. She swiped back one, then another, but they kept falling.
"I never knew," she kept whispering to herself as she folded her hands together in her lap. "He never said a word about any of this. He talks about you, of course, Skylar––every time we speak. But he never...nothing in the last few weeks, or even months. Oh, my poor boy."
"Well, at least one of you had the smarts to do the right thing," Ray muttered.
I looked up. "Excuse me?"
"About the baby," he said, pointing a knobby finger in a very professorial way, as if indicating I should have known. Ray had a way of talking to everyone as if they were stupid. "You and Bran met, what, last February? And he thought it would have been a good idea to raise a child with someone he hardly knew?" He snorted. "Typical Brandon. I swear, Susan, he never thinks things through."
"My decisions had nothing to do with him," I protested. "To start, it could have happened to anyone. We were using protection. It failed. And maybe what I did makes logical sense, but the reality is that I love your son, Ray, and he loves me. But I hurt him badly, and he's suffering because of it."
Susan blinked with concern. "Suffering how?"
"Nightmares," I said plainly. "Almost every night now."
Susan and Ray both straightened immediately.
"What?" Susan asked as she held a hand to her lips. "After all this time?" She looked at her husband. "Do you remember what they were like?"
Ray said nothing, just stared hard at me. "Is he taking anything?"
I frowned, confused. "Not that I know of. Should he be?"
Ray sighed and shook his head. "No. The group homes used to put him on all sorts of terrible antipsychotics for the terrors because they thought he was a threat to the other kids. The social workers wanted us to keep him on them, but when our arrangement became permanent, we took him off. Paid for a real therapist, not just some state quack."
I swallowed and decided to make my move.
"I wonder...I wonder if it's because he's scared again. What I did...well...you know about that now. And with everything else that's happened, the threats to me and my family, the kidnapping, and, of course the pressure on him right now with his run for office...I think he's lost that feeling of safety again. In a different way, of course, but still...lost."
I reached out to the papers between us. "I was hoping something like this would help. I want to do what I can to show him that he isn't alone in this––any of it. I want to show him the people who love him, who can still offer safe harbor." I paused, drifting my fingers over the plain black-and-white text. "I just want to make him happy."
"Oh, sweetheart," murmured Susan as she reached across the table for my hand. "He's very lucky to have you."
I was surprised by how quickly her statement brought the glimmer of tears to my eyes. I genuinely wasn't sure how the Petersens would respond to my revelations. I had honestly been prepared to be kicked out of the house at the end of everything.
"Thank you," I said quietly, squeezing her hand back. "Truly."
Ray just stared at the documents for another few moments, then back at me.
"And you think this...would tell him he's my son?" he asked. "Without a doubt?"
I shrugged. "It takes more than a piece of paper to make a family," I admitted. "But yes, I think it will help. It can't hurt."
Susan bit her bottom lip and watched Ray. The older man peered at me with sharp eyes that glinted through his smudged glasses. His jaw was clenched as he considered the decision––it was the most focus I'd ever seen Ray Petersen put on someone without criticizing them.
"Where do we sign?" he asked finally.
I released a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.
"Start here," I said, flipping a page in front of him. "And I'll take care of everything else."
~
